Oxygen
by Burning Rubber
Summary: Sasha is a tattoo artist in her early twenties. Mikasa comes into her shop... both of these ladies are at a weird time in their life. Mikasasha. Yuri. All that stuff. Written in first pov from Sasha's perspective. Rated M for language and sexual content; nothing too extreme though.
1. Chapter 1

An: The next few chapters will be better! (I hope!) I have to set up the characters and all that jazz. Also, Sasha and Mikasa will be written differently from the manga/show... I feel like there isn't a terrible amount of character development with these two, and also hey it's AU. It makes sense for them to be different since the _circumstances_ are different. I will try to keep their main characteristics the same though... Please review and favorite if you liked it or want it to be continued.

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I don't think anyone really ever enjoys high school, at least when it's happening. Time has a way of making the sharp edges of reality blurry and the warmest hues of happiness shine brighter than the cool colors of rejection or denial. We're all subject to this prejudice. I'm no different. Usually, it doesn't happen till a hard night where you can't sleep, or when your hair has been grey for years and you are no longer living but reminiscing. Personally, I haven't been having been sleeping too well.

We like to remember the best parts of anything, because we lived for them. We lived through the bad parts to get to them. That's all besides the point though. It doesn't matter if you're a jock, princess, nerd, goth, punk, stoner, or whatever label— you were forced to constantly do things you disliked in high school. You had to conform, even if that meant conforming to nonconformity. That's a large portion of life though. You have to keep marching to the beat of someone else's drum till you have the money to tell that guy to beat off somewhere else.

High school felt a lot like limbo to me. I was kind of just stuck in the mists of childhood and adulthood. Somewhere along the line, I realized the only difference between these stages was how close I was to death. I also learned that nearly no one knows what they're doing. Basically, every high school senior is navigating the seas of adulthood without a compass. The only thing they have to guide them is where they think they want to go. It's a shot in the dark. All the while, they have to just keep hoping that they're making the right choice. They have to pray that they won't wake at forty to hate themselves for it, or even worse dream about "what if". I'm twenty and still don't have my compass. I'm all guts and am filled with hesitation about choices. Little gas bubbles fizzle up and when they pop; I become anxious beyond belief. Hence the lack of sleep.

I went to college for a semester when I was eighteen. It wasn't for me. My father was... well the least I could say was disappointed. I came back home eight thousand dollars in debt with nothing more than a notebook and fifteen credits. Somehow, I ended up apprenticing at my best friend's uncle's shop though. Two years later, here I am, a real bonafided tattoo artist. I'm pretty good at it too. I don't make a substantial amount of money, but it's fun which not something a lot of people can say about their jobs. It's also creative, and everyday presents an adventure. Some people want the most crazy things on their body's. This one guy wanted a blue cow with a third eye meditating on a leaf on his back. It was the _stupidest_ thing I have ever heard of, but it was literally one of the most fun things I have ever done. The clientele at the shop is pretty diverse too. We get all types and walks of life here. Punks, musicians, jocks, thugs, soldiers, valley girls, hippies, geeks, I mean _everyone_. I like that. It's good to experience the spice of life.

At night though, I can't help but I wonder if I really like it. I mean, is that what I really want out of my life, to doodle on people's skin? Is that any way to derive meaning from my life? One side of my brain says hell no, and the other says it thinks so but still is unsure, so it chooses to plead the fifth till the sun comes back up. I'm kind of just like sixty shades of grey. I can't decide if I want to be black or white, so I stick with the in-between.

I force myself to get out of my head. I pick up my clipboard, scanning my canvasses and times. My eyes linger over one name in particular. "Mi— Mikasa Ackerman. Wha?" I set down the clipboard and head to the big boss's room.

I walk in to see him with a client. He has that glazed look over his face, and his hand rhythmically moves over the man's skin. The chirping of the machine brings a smile to my face. No one inks better than Terry. He may as well be the best artist in the whole state. There's no one point in talking to him now. A fire wouldn't even dare to disturb him when he's in the zone like this. I'll just have to wait. My feet guide me back into my station. I spin and spin around in my chair, 'patiently' awaiting my next client, but thoughts of Mikasa plague my mind. _Did she seek me out or is this all big some coincidence? It has to be her right? I mean how many Mikasa Ackerman's could there be?_ Man, my brain is all over the place today. _Think of work, Sasha. _

Not soon enough my client, a tall and tan man, walks through the door. "Sorry 'bout bein' late."

I smile politely. "It's okay. I have on record that you paid ahead of time, so lets get down to it." I press my hands into each other and start to rub them. "It also says that you wanted a loin's mane. Do you have references for me?"

"Yea." He puts his hand his pockets and pulls out his picture.

"Do you want it done realistically, new school, or any particular style like that?"

"Realistic." His voice booms.

"Awesome, I'll go sketch it out. Please take a seat. I'll be back in a second."

My hands take on a life of their own and do what's natural to them. Small slides of hand, semi circles, and vertical lines soon enough start to make the image of the lion. I finish up the sketch, ask him for his approval then start to tattoo. The whole process takes about four and half hours. Like, Terry, I kind of get into my own zone too when tattooing. My body knows what to do because of muscle memory and my brain just does it thing. I just keep drawing away till the ink makes the image I want. When I look down and it's something to be proud of.

I quickly dispose of my gloves. I let the man stand up look at his tattoo while I put away my machines.

"Ayyy, this is a-mazing'." He gives me a high five.

"Thanks! I'm glad you like it!" I reply sincerely.

In a few minutes he's done admiring his new piece. I grab the ointment and gently rub it on the red, puffy irradiated skin. I then apply the bandage on the area. Next is the after-care spiel. He nods his head diligently with a shit-eating grin on his face. He's not listening to a word I'm saying. Well at least he signed the release form... It's not my fault after this point if he gets an infection.

My legs lead me back to Mr. Big Boss Man's room. This time he sits at his stool sketching away.

"Hey Terry."

"Mhhhhmmh?" Terry isn't much of a talker.

"I wanted to know if you were the one to booked me for a 'Mikasa Ackerman'?" Terry nods his head slightly.

"Yep."

"Oh okay... Did she ask for me or something?" I can't help but feel a smile sprout on my face.

"Nope."

"Oh..." My smile disintegrates and my voice drops an octave. "okay."

"..." Terry's hand keep moving at the same pace even through his sigh.

"What else?" Terry asks without looking up.

"Oh, there's nothing else to tell or ask." I wrap my hands around my upper waist.

"Don't lie."

"Auuh." I start to laugh nervously. "I'm not?"

I'm_ really _bad at knows this about me.

Terry stops moving and turns his head to the right to face me. His brows furrow as he makes eye contact with me. It's pretty intense. You see, one eye is green and the other is brown, so it feels like an angel or something is staring into your soul. It also doesn't help that the old man has bushy eyebrows that demand to be looked at.

"Don't." He says tersely. "Lie."

"She's just someone I went to school with..." I confess.

"And?"

"Aaaannd that's it?" I shrug my shoulders.

"No."

"No?" I ask genuinely confused.

"Don't omit things." Oh now we're up to three words sentences. His patience is running out.

"I don't know?" I feel myself blushing and grasp onto myself tighter. "She was just that super cool, smart, athletic kid, ya know? I always kind of wanted to be her friend. I was kind of hoping it was her and that she requested me..."

"Okay."

"Okay then?" I can't shake the feeling of surprise and have to force my that stupid deer-stuck-in-the-headlights look off my face.

"..." Terry just keeps sketching away.

"Alright." I step slowly out of the room.

I have three more clients for the day. The hot sun beats down on me through the window. The afternoon feels like it will last forever but it doesn't. It actually goes faster than I really wanted it to. A lot of my workdays have been like that lately. Before I know it, I'm home. I lay on my bed both nervous and excited about seeing Mikasa again. _Will she remember me? What is she doing back in town? Will Eren and Armin be there too? Will they think less of me?_ I slam my face into the pillow.

"Urrrgrgh. This is so stupid."

"I love my job. I love my job. I love my job... I think I love my job?" I roll over. "Maybe I should have just keep going to college. I would have been almost done with it by now." I let an aggravated scream crawl out of my lips. That doesn't make me feel a whole lot better, but it least it made me feel a bit better.

Eventually, sleep calls my name four hours later at two A.M.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Yay, an update. I don't know. This isn't really the typical type of story I write. It's not as "pretty" as I normally try to make my fics. Hope like all two of you guys like this chapter! Haha. Please review/favorite/follow if you liked.

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The sun creeps through my window and forces my eyes open like a nagging mother. I can practically hear her call my name. I blink a few times and try to remember what day it is. Wednesday? No, that's not right. Maybe it's Thursday? No, no, if it was Thursday then Terry would have let me off early yesterday. The days just seem to blend together now. When it finally dawns on me that it's Friday, I happily hop out of bed. _Nothing_ is better than working a Friday. There's no better motivation to get work done than knowing that I can sleep in tomorrow.

With a cup of coffee in my system, I head to the shop. I open the doors and head towards my booth.

"Hey Sasha." My coworker, Jac, says. I kind of hate Jac. Well hate is too strong of word. I dislike, well I _strongly_ dislike him. Maybe half hate is more accurate? I don't really have a good reason to half hate him. Maybe it's just because he's so perky in the morning? I don't understand how that works with people. It's kind of how I feel about vegans. I can't understand how someone can be so happy with just tofu. How does that even work? My dislike of him may also stem from his overall lazy attitude. It could also be the fact that no matter the weather he refuses to stop wearing a beanie and a white beater. Now that I think about it, there's a lot of reasons why I kind of hate him.

"Hey man. What's up?"

"Not much. Want a doughnut?" He points to his pink pastel box.

"Yuuuuss, you know me so well." I say with a huge grin. Sometimes, Jak is a-okay. Only when he has pastries though. Otherwise his chipper demeanor at eight A.M. is disturbing and mind boggling.

I snack on my chocolate doughnut and look over my schedule. My first client of the day is Mikasa. Oh right, awesome. Wait _awesome_? A sick feeling sits at the the bottom of my stomach.

'Mikasa Ackerman. Eighty dollar deposit made. Wants traditional Japanese dragon on ribs to mid thigh. 9:30 AM' I read my information on her aloud to myself.

"Yikes. That's going to take awhile." I continue to nibble on whats left on my pastry while looking over the rest of the paper. I have four clients in total today, and one of them wants a back piece. Arrrgh, it's going to be a long day.

"So in ten minutes she should be here." I mutter to myself while shaking my head. I load up my machines and prepare my booth. When I finally finish, I head to the bathroom.

I look at myself in the mirror. I pretty much look the same as I did in high school. I still rock a pony tail and dress casually. Although, my face is much clearer now and my hair has grown a substantial amount since then. It's nearly past my belly button now. I readjust my t-shirt and do a quick turn around in the mirror. These shorts make my butt look good. Feeling semi confident in my appearance, I walk out.

I see her. Her hair is still as black as a unlucky cat. And she still has those out of this world, cryptic, lunar grey eyes. They remind me of the moon, peaceful, wise, and somehow just above it all. Her eyes look colder than I remember though. They used to have this glint behind them. It was like they were waiting for someone to make her smile, so they could shine. Those bedroom eyes are now gone. They're ersatz buttons made by some slave child from a third world country.

Mikasa turns around. She must have noticed that the back door opened. I wave meekly and she returns my gesture. I walk up to her and her friend.

"Hey Mikasa." I say with a smile. Man, she's taller than I remember. She must be nearly two-three inches taller than me now.

"Hello."

"You're looking to get a tattoo, right? A traditional Japanese dragon."

"Yes." She says curtly.

"Perfect, do you have any references for me?"

"No."

"Okay, well do you want anything in particular on your dragon?"

"Teeth."

I laugh. She gives me a look. I guess that wasn't supposed to be funny. "Alrighty then," I head towards the back counter to get her paperwork. "I need you to fill this out, and I'll be back in ten-fifteen minutes with a sketch to show you."

"Hey wait, don't I know you?" Mikasa's dark haired friend chirps.

"Umm... You might." I say with a smile tugging on my lips. "I went to high school locally and have lived here nearly my whole life."

"Sasha, Sasha Braus! You were always in all those art competitions." The young man wags his finger at me.

I feel my cheeks light up. I did win first place every year in the country fair but I mean, who remembers that? I guess this guy has the memory of an elephant.

"And you stole from the cafeteria. Mr. Shadis caught you... then you offered him the potato! When he freaked out you threw it at him and tried to run away, right?! The whole lunchroom ended up in a food fight." He chuckles. "You're Potato Girl."

I hated that nickname. "I prefer, Sasha." I force a small chuckle.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean it like that." He tries to backtrack. What an ass.

I smile politely. "I'm sorry I don't recognize you. Who are you?"

"Oh jeez, sorry, I'm Eren Jaeger." He puts his hand out for me to shake.

"Oh my God!" I say with genuine shock. He must have grown like at least six inches. "Eren, you're so tall now! What are you six one, six two?"

"I'm six foot even." I can see it now. He still has the same emerald eyes and full lips. He really hasn't changed a bit other than growing out a beard and his new found height.

"Are you here to support Mikasa or something?"

His laughter reverberates around the room, filling it. Eren's always had that sort of personality. "Ah no, I'm also getting a tattoo. I'm waiting for my artist guy to show up."

"Who's your artist?" I wrap my arms around my waist.

"I think his name is Jak, Jaq, or something like that?" I suppress a sigh.

"I'll go get him. He's in the back. Hang tight, Eren."

I walk into the break room. The smell of bitter coffee hangs in the room like an unwelcome guest. I spot, Jak, cigarette in one hand and the other with a cup of joe. I tell him his client is here. He drags his feet but eventually leaves, groaning the whole way.

I start to sketch out a design. I want to make sure that that tattoo has movement. I need to make sure it fits her body perfect too. My hands become wild birds. They do what is natural to them and sketch effortlessly. Eventually, I end up with a suitable tattoo. I think she'll like it, at least, I'm hoping she will.

I take my piece to Mikasa. She smiles.

"This is great."

"Really? Perfect. So there's nothing that you want to change?" I cant help this overwhelming feeling of pride. I feel like I found a lotto ticket worth a thousand dollars.

She looks me in the eyes and nods her head. "No, no changes needed. I am very happy with this."

"Cool." We share a moment of eye contact. I feel a blush creeping up on my cheeks. "Ahh, I'm going to scan this then apply my sketch to your skin. Then we can start. Okay?"

"Sounds good, Sasha."

"Oh, urgh" I rest my hand on my neck. "because the size of your piece, we won't be able to finish it all in one day. Your skin just wont be able to handle it. I'm thinking that that it'll take three sessions in total. I also suggest that we use the private room since your body is going to be exposed." I motion to my ribs and upper thigh.

"Alright, I understand."

When I first started inking, Mikasa, I noticed how fit she was. She literally must have like .000001 percent of body fat. I have never seen a flatter stomach before in my life. She makes me feel like a beached whale. Her thighs are perfect too. They're all muscular and toned. Mikasa must live the gym or something. I remember her always being athletic in highs school but this is more than that. This is like 'I run five miles and do three hundred push ups everyday' type of athletic.

I've lost track of time. That's what I get for being in my head so much. I don't know when I started tattooing her but it must have been awhile ago. Jak is already done with his tattoo and popped in here twice already. It's hard to say how long we've been doing this, maybe an hour and half?

Honestly, I feel inebriated by touching her skin. I didn't know that a person could be so soft. I didn't even know that I cared how soft a person was. It almost feels like a cardinal sin to engrave anything onto something so pure and delicate though. At the same time, in a weird way, I'm happy to the first person to give her a tattoo. At least, I know it's something of high quality rather than random scribble from a dude named chuck that's doing in it his mom's garage.

"Are you okay, Mikasa?" I wipe down the skin. It's puffy and bleeding. She's holding back another whimper, I can tell.

The ribs are always a difficult place to get tattooed. It's just such a sensitive and hard place to tattoo. There's no way to be gentle. And every time she lets loose a little whimper, no matter how small, I think I'm going to die. It kind of reminds me of trapped animal or something. I'm temped to make her take a break, but I know if I do that, she wont be coming back on my table.

"I need to hang in for another half hour, okay?" I say softly.

"Mmmh, okay." She grunts.

I'm nearly done with the outline now. I start to finish all the intricate details like the scales and claws. I think it's coming out great so far. I really don't think I could do anything better. The dragon fits the curve of her body perfectly. It flows naturally with her body. I run my pen one last time over to finish my line.

"Okay dokey, we're done for today."

"Thank God." Mikasa breathes out.

I laugh harder than probably I should have. "That bad, huh?"

She shakes her head. "Kind of. I was mostly just surprised. I didn't think that a tattoo would ever hurt that bad."

"It's just where it's at and of course the size of the piece. You know, Mikasa, you're got some seriously big cojones to get a piece like this from your ribs to your thigh. Especially, since this is your _first_ tattoo. Most people get a little ole thing on their arm or something."

"Thank you?" She says unsure if that was a compliment or not.

"You're welcome." I laugh the words out.

"Hey, Mikasa, can you get up, hon?"

She grits her teeth. "Ugh, yeah. Give me a second."

Mikasa manages to raise herself up, although, I can see her struggling. I reach my hand out to her to help her off the table.

"Alright, let's have a looksie in the mirror then we'll have to cover this bad boy up for awhile."

Mikasa walks a few feet towards the full length body mirror. She turns to the left to see her tattoo in all it's glory. She's smiling ear to ear.

"I take it you like it?"

"Yeah." She manages to squeak out.

"Happy to hear that. I think it looks pretty great myself." I gently pat myself on the back.

She continues to fidget in the mirror and models her tattoo.

"Sorry but I'm going to have to bandage you up now, Mikasa."

"Oh right. Sorry." Her cheeks light up as she takes a seat.

I rub oiment on her. "You need to buy aqua gel or a similar brand and rub it on your tattoo regularly." I start to apply the bandage on to her. She flinches.

"Look, I know that it's going to be uncomfortable, but I need you to keep this on for at least six hours. If you don't, you'll risk getting infection which would be very, very bad." My fingers linger for a moment on her bandage. I quickly move them away. "I'll book you to come back in four weeks, okay?"

She nods her head diligently. "Okay."

"So umm... yeah we're pretty much done here, unless you have anymore questions." I gesture my hands towards her.

"I don't have any." She start to put on her shirt and pants.

"I have one" I raise my hand like I'm still a student. "but it's not business related." I quickly add.

"Alright." She sits back down on the table.

"Do you remember me from high school? I know your brother does." I awkwardly chuckle.

There's a glazed look over her face. "Yes I do." She nods her head again, agreeing with herself once more. " I remember you and Connie always making fun of the teachers and being the class clowns. I also remember how you would always draw on the back of your history tests, and how you never lapped Armin when you could have in PE. He appreciated that by the way."

I feel my lips curling again. "Wow that's more than I was expecting." I shift all the weight from my left foot to my right. "Thanks for not bringing up the potato thing."

She just smiles.

I scratch my head. "Well Mikasa, I certainly remember you, in case you wondering. You always had top marks from everything academically to athletically."

I clear my voice. "I also remember you always sticking up for Armin when he would get bullied. I also remember how you would be the only person to get between Eren and Jean when they would get into brawls." I look down at the ground staring my tennis shoes. "You were always a brave girl, Mikasa. Even the teachers were hesitant about getting involved in those fights."

Her bangs get in her face. "Yeah, well those did get pretty brutal." She runs her hand through her hair and pushes them back.

In a moment of confidence, I let my mouth announce the first thing that comes to mind. "Hey I know that it's been awhile but maybe, Eren, you, and me should go out for lunch or something sometime? Catch up and all that. It's been awhile."

Mikasa is quiet for a minute. Oh man, I guess that is pretty awkward to ask out of the blue. It's not like we ever really knew each that well. It's hard to catch up with someone you never really knew.

"We don't have too. I'm sorry I didn't mean to— "

Mikasa looks up. "No, I would like to go. Let me run it by Eren. What's your number? I'll call you to tell you a place and time."

"Awesome, hold on. I'll write it down." I scribble the number down on the back of one of the shop's business cards. "Here." I hand it over to her.

We both walk out of the private room together and she joins Eren.

"See you guys soon!" I wave goodbye to them. Eren waves back enthusiastically and Mikasa gives me a head nod.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Amazing things happen when I procrastinate, guys. Updates mostly happen, but sometimes that's nearly a miracle in its itself. Also, so I have this story basically mapped out, so updates should be pretty regular... like at the latest weekly. Right now, I'm on a bit of a roll but who knows how long'll last? Not me. Anyways, things get more interesting (arguably) after this chapter. Shout out to "Pandabatman" for leaving a review and everyone who's followed this story. As always, please review, favorite, or follow if you enjoyed. Also, there's a Modest Mouse reference in here. +10 points if you recognize it. (':

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Tuesdays aren't very exciting for anyone. Well maybe for the millionaires out there who can treat everyday like an never ending Saturday, but for us common folk, the only good thing about Tuesdays are that they aren't Mondays. This particular Tuesday isn't so bad though. In fact, it may even be exciting? Which is the first time in my life I've been excited for a Tuesday. I'm meeting up with Eren and Mikasa later in the afternoon to bowl. I originally just wanted to go out to eat, but the cool thing about bowling is it's the only sport (that I know of at least) where you can eat and play at the same time. On the surface that doesn't sound worthy of excitement. Who's pumped to bowl? Apparently me, but that's not the point. I feel like I have been invited to the _cool_ kids table. I even feel kind of cool myself which is a very uncool thing to feel, ironically. Hipster and cool kid logic never really permeated through my brain, but I know that much. Apathy is king.

Maybe I am kind of living out a childhood dream but is that so bad? Is it terrible to want to get to know someone, become friends with them? Of course not! Unless, it's for superficial reasons... Which I am not feeling, I think? Is it superficial to get to know someone because how they make _you_ feel?

I get out of my own head and crash land into reality when some vile cretin blasts his horn profusely at me. That insufferable honking noise bounces around my head like a ping pong ball. A feeling of dread fills me body like water-bottle being held under the ocean. I realize there's still a whole half day to get through till lunch. Escaping my mouth, a sigh dribbles out as I continue to drive my crappy, beat up, baby blue Sedan.

Mornings last too long too often. The sun reminds of the desert and I can't escape it. It's all around no matter the direction I go. It feels like it just won't set. Most days I like what I do. I like that my job is practically my shadow, in the sense that it's a reflection of who I am and that I get to define it. But right now, in this moment, I just want to go. I want to not be in a stuffy little shop. I don't want to be listening to some guy fight back a tear as I scar his skin. I don't want to feel like I should be at some other place. I want to be... bowling? Now, that really doesn't sound right. I must be losin' it.

The sun finally starts to settle. Work is over and I drive to downtown.

Bowling, I'm at a bowling rink. I feel like I'm in high school again. The smell of burnt pop corn and artificial smelling air fresher invades my nostrils. Two lanky teenage boys keep looking over their shoulders and are staring at me. This isn't a pleasant experience so far. But, this is where Eren wanted to go which means that's where Mikasa wanted to be, which ultimately meant that's where I said I wanted to be too. It's a terrible domino effect. At least, it's somewhere I can eat.

My hands are slightly sweaty. I keep twiddling my thumbs checking the clock, waiting for that damn minute hand to finally reach fifteen. It has quite the epic journey for that short hand of the clock travel or at least it feels like it has been.

I don't know why I feel nervous. It's strange. I leave permanent markings on people's body's all day long, but when it comes to a simple get together for a flew fleeting moments of my life, I freeze up. I guess freeze isn't the right word. That would imply some calmness and lack of movement. I'm in a more of a chicken with it's head cut off sort of mood.

The time finally comes, and I see Mikasa and Eren walk in. Mikasa is wearing black, acid washed jeans matched with white blouse, and her red scarf. Eren is sporting a baseball tee and stone washed jeans. I get up and start to walk up to them. There's something slowing me down though. My shoes keep getting stuck on the floor from some peculiar, mysterious sticky substance. I cant help but shake my head. I seriously question the sanitation of this place. And I pray that the floor is only sticky from spilt soda.

When I reach the two of them, Eren breaks off mid conversation with Mikasa.

"Hey!" Eren says happily. "It's good to see you again."

"Hey, good to see you too." I reciprocate his intensity. "Ah, how did the tattoo turn out?"

"Oh I love it! That guy did a great job."

"Awesome! Now I don't have to worry about you beating him up." I hit his shoulder playfully.

Eren shoots me an incredulous look. _  
_

A sick feeling spreads to my stomach._ "_I was jo-"

Eren waves his hand and starts to laugh. "I'm just messing with ya, Braus."

We all share a short laugh together after that.

Mikasa speaks, breaking the silence. "Let's head to the counter and get our shoes and everything squared away, yeah?"

We walk to the counter. A pimpled faced teen asks us to cough up seven fifty each to cover our shoes and the alley. We all comply. The kid takes our sizes and accordingly and hands out our 'footwear'. Eren practically sprints down to the alley while us two girls follow him with a less than substantial amount of enthusiasm.

"He must really like bowling, huh?" I look Mikasa.

She runs her hand through her hair. "Kind of." She gives me a half smile. "He's mostly overly excited because we can't do that on base. There's really no time for activities like this. He'd be just as excited to anything semi fun."

I raise an eyebrow. "Base?"

"Did I forget to tell you? We go to a military college."

"Oh wow. No wonder he's so happy. Civilian life must be real treat for you guys."

Mikasa's fist tightens. "Yeah something like that."

I bite my lip. I guess I said the wrong thing there. Whooops.

"What's taking you guys so long?" Eren shouts with his hands cupped around his mouth. "Hurry up! I've already entered your names and started the game, you slowpokes!"

I quicken my pace and so does Mikasa.

"What's the lineup?" I ask.

"Me, You," Eren points towards me. "then Mikasa. I already rolled. It's your turn Sasha."

I choose a lime green ball and walk up to the lane. The ball rolls and knock over seven pins. "Yeah." I proudly mutter under my breath. I roll a second time and get a spare.

Mikasa is up next and she rolls her ball then walks back to sit down. She doesn't even bother to look back to see how she did. The screen plays a crummy animation that says in bright colors "STRIKE!"

It is then I notice the score board. I see that Eren also scored a strike.

"Your turn Eren." Mikasa chimes.

Eren walks up to the alley again and seemly effortlessly rolls another strike.

"Wow way to go, Eren! You're off to a great start."

Eren takes a small bow. "Well thank you, thank you."

Mikasa rolls her eyes.

The game continues on for some time like that. Eren and Mikasa have rolled a strike every. single. time. Eren can't get enough of the attention he's getting from the patrons of the alley, truly just reveling in it. Mikasa on the over hand seems to irritated by it.

I can't help but laugh when I look at score. It's a pathetic 87 points when I compare their perfect score to my own. My first spare would be my highest score of the game. Although, being good at bowling isn't really something to brag about.

"Have long have you guys been bowling?" I scoff. "We're nearly half way done and you both a perfect score so far."

"We bowled a lot in high school." Eren says before letting the ball out of his grasp.

"Like, we went at least once a week back then." Mikasa adds.

"Seriously?"I try to hide the shock that's written in sharpie on my face.

Eren's ball obliterates the pins. "Well there's not a whole lot to do in this small town, ya know? Everything closes up shop around eight, except this place and the doughnut shop."

I shrug my shoulders. I wouldn't know. I spent most of my nights in high school alone, drawing in my room or watching terrible movies with Connie.

"Yeah, I know." I nod my head but I really can't relate, at all. In fact, there could been parties taking right outside of my house and I would never be any of the wiser. I've always been more a 'watcher' than 'doer'.

I approach the alley and start to throw the ball haphazardly down the lane. A hand presses down on my arm and stops me midway.

"Keep your arm straight. Swing back further. Look for the middle arrow on the ground then let go." Mikasa nonchalantly says.

"Ug, thanks. Will do!" I flash her a grin and do just as she says. The ball for the first time of the day doesn't go too far right. It travels straight down the middle of the lane and makes contact with the middle pin. They go flying! I get a strike. A rush of electricity flows through my body.

"Woooooow! I actually got a strike." I shout. Eren joins in and high fives me. Mikasa stands back softly claps for me. I mock Eren and do his little bow. "Thank you, thank you very much."

After my little stunt Mikasa goes up for her turn. With a Cheshire grin still plastered on my face, I go to the cafe side of the rink. I pick up the pizza I ordered a few rounds ago.

When back at our bowling lane, I sit the pizza on the table.

"When did you— ?" Eren starts.

My hand immediately goes down for a slice. "Shhh~ Don't question just enjoy." Chomp. Such cheesy goodness fill my mouth.

Eren smiles politely. "Looks good."

We all feast upon the pizza for awhile taking a break from the game.

"So how do you guys like military life?"

"It's fine." Mikasa remarks hastily.

"It's great!" Eren's hands lift up in the air. "We get a ton of time outside. The training is cool and you know, the classes aren't too terrible either."

"Sounds exciting."

Eren shakes his head vigorously and Mikasa gingerly nods.

"What about you? How do you like the life of a tattoo artist?" Mikasa asks.

Shit. Uuuuuugh. Quick brain say something positive. "It— it's fun. You meet lots of different types of people and, uggh, I make my clients happy, so that makes me happy." I nod my head as if I'm trying to convince my own self. "I enjoy it."

"That's great, Sasha. You know, I never saw you as a tattoo artist though. I thought you would go into agriculture or something in college."

I bite my lip. "Well that was the _original_ plan, Eren. My father owns all the farm land on the outskirts of town, you know... but that's not how things worked, as you may have guessed." I pause for a second. "I really glad I ended up where I did though. Tattooing is fun, much more fun than learning about crops or anything like that. Although, to be honest of you asked a younger me if this is where I would end up, she wouldn't believe you."

"I'm not too surprised you're an artist." Mikasa pipes in. "You were always really artsy in high school."

I blush. "I was a little bit, yeah. Thanks."

"So how long are you guys in town?" I try to change the subject. I've never been a fan of being the topic of discussion.

Eren's face contorts. His eyebrows squish together and he purses his lips. "Maybe like a month or so? Maybe even the whole summer. We're taking a little time off. We're not sure when we'll be back."

"Oh that sounds nice!" I clasp my hands together. "Have you guys bumped into anyone else yet?"

Eren once again answers me. "You know, I have plans to meet up with Jean but no one else so far. I'm hoping he'll get in contact with a lot other people who are off for break too."

I turn to Mikasa.

"No," She shakes her head. "no plans so far."

I start to nibble on my pizza again. A silence comes over the table. It stays like that for awhile.

"Well are you guys ready to start again?" Eren chirps.

"Yeah."

"Sounds good to me, Eren." I happily reply.

We finish up our game and Eren wins by a few points. I honestly think Mikasa let him win, because towards the end of the game she magically forgot how to keep the ball from not going to the far left. I ended with a 137. I beamed with pride over that. That beats any of my old scores by a landslide.

"Good game guys, but I take the cake with this one guys." Eren gloats. "Hey, Sasha, next time we play we'll have to bring Armin. You can definitely beat him."

"Oh really? Finally someone to make me look good? Thank God, your guys combined score was 580. There's little room for error with you guys."

Mikasa sniggers. "Armin, is pretty bad. I'm sure you could beat him blindfolded. "

"Good to know." I say nodding my head through my own giggles. It's not really that funny at all, but I just feel light right now. My body is having a social high, hopped up on dopamine.

I bury my hands in my pockets as we walk outside. The game is over. It's time for goodbyes. I look around outside the bowling alley. Most of the cars are still here but the sky is a little overcast, making it seem later than what it is. There's also a little nip in the air too.

"You can hardly tell it's summer with this crazy weather we're having." Mikasa tries to start a conversation. The weather is never a good choice.

"I know right? Last week it in the nineties and now they say tomorrow it's going to rain."

"That's just how it goes sometimes, right?"

"Yea." I nod my head in agreement.

Mikasa slows down her pace and walks in line with me.

"Hey" Mikasa speaks in a low and husky voice. "Can I ask you a favor?"

"Sure." I say honestly.

She digs out a piece of paper from her side pocket. "Please come to this bar at nine tomorrow night."

"Oh you know I'm not twenty one, right?"

"They wouldn't card you there."

"Okay... sounds like it could be fun."

The crumpled paper reads 'Levi's'. That's a bar in the city.

"You know on Wednesdays and Saturdays that's a gay bar, right?" I say.

"Yes." She says. My eyes go wide.

She laughs lightly. " I don't mean like that. I just don't want to be alone. Eren's going with Jean. And, ugh, I just wouldn't feel right ruining their fun by third wheeling or being alone... you know?"

"Why would Eren be going there with Jean?"

"..."

"Wait, seriously? Eren and Jean? Errrreen and Jeeeeaan!" She slaps her hand over my mouth.

"Quiet, Sasha. No yelling." She removes her hand.

"Like together, together?" My eyebrows are arched and my mouth seems to be permanently agape.

"Yes." She says nonchalantly.

"Why are you going?"

"Eren wants me too... I think he's kind of nervous to be going to be honest. I'm sure he'll end up ditching within ten minutes though."

"Okay."

"Okay what, Sasha?"

I nod my head. "I'll go with you." I giggle and raise my finger. "One condition though, you have to protect me from any scary chicks that may hit on me."

"What?" Mikasa asks confused.

I mock offense. "Ugh, Mikasa, I will have you know, I'm pretty cute. You cant leave a girl like in a bar all defenseless. Some saucy, older woman may try to feel my up. You have to have watch my back." I say this in tongue in cheek.

Mikasa shakes her head. "Yeah, sure. If that makes you feel better Sasha." A smile playing on her lips. "Just make sure to have my back mine too."


	4. Chapter 4

~ Says "I'll update weekly"

~ Doesn't

Sorry guys. I'll try to be better from now on.

* * *

It's cold out. It's the type of wind that goes straight through you like an angry lover's words. It's that sort of cold tonight. I find shelter in the neon lights shining above me. I walk into the bar and spot her after awhile. She's sitting by the bar looking off at the tiers of drinks. Mikasa's left hand is holding her head up while her right hand's finger runs circles along the smooth wood.

Mikasa is cute. I do mean that, but when she's caught up in the moment like now; she's simply beautiful. The way her hair accents those ghostly gray eyes. The way her alabaster skin almost seems to sparkle in the night. The way there's a natural smile hiding on her lips. She even seems to breathe elegantly.

It's really not fair, yet it is. She only looks this heavenly because she's spacing off. It's the only time she's not thinking too much, worrying about something. Her face isn't marred by pursed lips. They're relaxed and even curling ever so slightly. Her eyes aren't swept up targeting on the next potential threat or mistake to make. They're glossy and glimmering. Her aren't arms wrapped around her chest like shes guarding a national treasure. They're open and free. It's like admiring a falling star. You know it's an ephemeral moment, never meant to last in this world. I feel that's what Mikasa's inhibition is like, her peace at mind. Life tends be an oxymoron in that way. It's easy to view something in black in white and make a conclusion, but then you add context. That's when you get fifty shades of grey. So I really can't be envious of her when I acknowledge all the grey parts that make up Mikasa Ackerman.

My moment of observation from afar ends when she spots me. Mikasa waves me over.

"Nice to see you." She stands up and extends her hand. I can barely make out what she says over the booming vibrations, but I get the jist. I can't help but notice (now that I have a full body looksie over) that Mikasa is in a conservative outfit... while I'm bit more 'club approved' dressed.

"Nice to see you too! I'm surprised no one carded me getting in!" I beam and reciprocate the hug.

She nods her head smiling. "Told you."

I give a quick look around, craning my neck. "Hey, where's Eren and Jean?"

Mikasa bites her lip. "They're off dancing." She point in the general direction of the dance floor. I can't see them anywhere.

"Oh I see." I bite back a sick feeling in my stomach. "So what should we do?"

"Let have a few drinks! First one is on me."

We shoot the shit for awhile. We talk about stupid things like the weather, and that new pop songs that sounds like a throwback to the nineties. Nothing too special is said, yet there's a lot of words exchanged. It takes awhile to feel that warm familiar feeling again, but he comes soon enough. He greets me like an old friend. That happy feeling has me laughing harder than I should be and talking more that I normally ever would, but Mikasa seems to be feeling it too. Alcohol can be a wonderful elixir.

In general, I'm not a fan of bars. They stink and are filled with people who smell. Tonight is no different, yet it feels like it is. It's kind of strange. I honestly don't mind as much as I thought I would. I thought I would be pissy, just out of the fact that bars are seedy places that carry germs. This isn't the case for me this time though. I'm having fun and am uncharacteristically not afraid to touch the peanuts.

The music is upbeat and rings in my head like bells on a Sunday morning. The alcohol is priced fairly, and Mikasa is a hoot when you get a few beers in her. We've been talking all night about nothing. Who knew that Mikasa could actually carry on a conversation? Especially one that isn't focused around her brother.

"So what's the craziest thing that's happened on base?"

Mikasa's eyes light up. "Alright. Alright," She grips her beer and starts to laugh but fights through it.

"One time Armin, me and Eren got pissed with our drill sergeant. He's just, God, just trust me, he's a prick." She presses her hand down on the counter. "Anyways, so we decide to get a little revenge on him. Eren and I take his water bottle during lights out. He's always drinking his damn lemonade throughout the day. Anyways Eren and Armin pisses in it."

"What?" I almost snort.

She nods her head laughing. "Yeah they piss in it, and I add just a piiinnch of sugar in it. So the next day comes along, and he starts to drink it. It takes him the whole day to finish it. Keep in mind, this bottle is like a half liter big. The only thing he has to say about it was while shaking his head was 'a little tangy for his taste'."

I snort but Mikasa doesn't even notice. She's laughing along too. Maybe it's the alcohol, or maybe it's because my favorite song is being played but I grab her hand. She looks at me and you can just read the confunsion on her face.

"Let's dance!" I shout.

She nods her head. I lead her onto the dance floor.

There's not a whole lot of room to dance since the the place is so full. We're closer together than I would have liked. Actually, she's so close that I smell her minty breath. Definitely no room for Jesus to stand in between us. My old pastor would be disappointed in me, but to be honest, I can't seem to make myself care about that right now.

We sway our hips to the beat and rock our heads to the side. I throw my hands up in the air and snap my fingers. Mikasa keeps her hands down low, but starts to sing along to the song. She's not loud enough for anyone to hear, well anyone but me. She sounds good, like really good!

"Mikasa!" I wave my hand to try to get her attention. She's too busy jamming out the music to notice though. That or she must think that I'm doing some terrible dance move.

That's when I feel it. Some dude crashing into my back. The drunk sends me spiraling forward, right into Mikasa. She catches me. Her hands make me feel so small and fragile. She's being so gentle yet I know I'm held firmly in place. An earthquake couldn't separate me from her arms right now.

I'm reminded of how soft her skin is, it feels like... I don't even know. Velvet won't even do it justice. She's soft. It's like how you would imagine a cloud to feel and river rock smooth, but also she's warm too. It reminds me of the way you feel warm when the sun shines down on you, but you're not hot. It just sort embraces your whole body and you feel so good. Like you're being sun-kissed.

She looks down at me and shakes her head, smile plastered all over her face.

I see her mouth the words with her pink pouty lips. "So clumsy."

Again, I'm not sure if it's the alcohol, the music, or maybe it's just that Mikasa smells of pine woods which is my all time favorite smell, but I feel my face inch closer towards hers. It takes all my courage. I don't even know why I'm doing this. I really have no clue. I don't even look at girls like that. It's like my body is in autopilot. I get a few centimeters away from her lips. I see her eyes look down at my lips as her face lights up like a Christmas tree. I can't bring myself to go any further. If I did I'm pretty sure my brain would fall out of my body. My heart would probably simultaneously implode too. I am not sure when but somewhere along the line, my stomach birthed a thousand butterflies. And my hands became the definition of sweaty. This is just too much.

She closes the gap and pulls me closer into her. She shuts her eyes and I follow suit. It was only for a few seconds, but I swear I felt Nirvana. Mikasa's lips were gentle. Almost like a feather and they were so warm. I could have just melted right then and there, but she pulls away. I'm half melted, gooey even. You may as well call me Sasha the Marshmallow.

She looks me in the eyes with this glazed look. I can tell she's holding herself back. There's a growing feeling of tension, it's damn near palpable. I kind of want that to happen again and I think she does too? Again, maybe it's just the alcohol and the fact that everyone around is smooching like it's the cure to cancer, but I feel myself inch back closer to her. My heart is beating so fast, I swear that even the police couldn't even stop me if I was on the autobahn.

She doesn't close the gap this time, in fact she pulls away. For a minute, I'm heartbroken. I screwed up. The words 'I'm sorry' almost breach my lips but then I feel her grab my hand. She leads me to the back of the bar. We walked past the bathrooms and head outside. The air is thick and there's a slight wind dancing around. She looks around to the left and right then she pushes me against the wall.

"This way no one can see..." She coos in a low voice. She starts to plant kisses on my collar bone. My breathing starts to restrict. "More." She starts to work her way up my neck. "Privacy." She lands on my sweet spot. It drives me crazy and open the floodgates.

My needy hands snake their way under her shirt. She doesn't protest. In the back of my mind, I keep blaming the alcohol. It isn't the alcohol though. I'm not even that drunk. I'm just barely tipsy. No, this... this is something I want. Kissing her actually _feels _really good. Mikasa don't let my thoughts linger around for long. She manages to keep my body in check of my mind. There's so much to feel, experience. There's no time for thinking now, only reaction.

My hips buckle when she drives her knee to my erogenous zone. A moan squeaks through my lips. She lets loose a hoarse chuckle. It's terribly cold outside. I felt it when we first came outside, but I don't feel it anymore. She's too close to me. My body is the match and she's the fire.

Who knows how long we've been out here?

I'm the one who says enough is enough. I stop her hand when she starts to go south. She gives me a smirk that screams 'just wait'. I instead grab her hand and bring in up to her heart. I let it rest there for a second.

"You feel that?" The humming and erratic beating of her heart does it's own personal drum solo for me. "I do that to you. And I like that." I say smiling wider that politician during election season.

She grabs my hand and presses against my heart. She moves her face so that it is only inches away from my own. I can smell the cheap beer on her breath. I swear my heart is going to pop out of my chest just like in the cartoons. "I like that I can do that to you too." She steals another kiss from me and I'm so happy to be robbed.

We stop after that. No more touching, only smiles and giggles. Her eyes are doing that glimmering again and I can tell she's not thinking anymore. She's here, in this moment. She's with me thinking of nothing or anyone else.

I bite my lip. "We should probably go back inside. Eren might be looking for us or something..."

Mikasa pulls out her cell. "No messages so far." She opens it and starts typing away. "There, I told him that we're leaving. Follow me."

"What? Follow you?" I start laughing again. I swear there's liquid sunshine running through my veins right now. "Aren't you the visitor here? How do know where to go?"

Mikasa shakes her head. "I spent a lot of my time here in the City on the weekends." She looks back and gives me a reassuring nod. "Just trust me... this will be worth it."

I comply and follow Mikasa without complaint. I can't stop my body from trembling though. All that gained body heat quickly went to the wind.

Mikasa slows down her pace and walks side by side with me now. "Sorry, here." She pulls off her coat and wraps it around me.

"Th-Thanks." I mutter.

She grabs my hand again. It radiates warmth. "Tell me if you get too cold, okay?"

"Okay." I feel myself grin like a little kid.

We walk hand in hand for awhile. Eventually we reach the coast line. Mikasa makes a sharp turn and the next thing I know we're walking up a bunch of stairs of some business building. It seems like a series of never ending steps. Shades of gray block my vision, until I look up and see Mikasa. She brings a bit of color into my peripheral.

I hear her stop and look up. We finally reached the top. It doesn't seem to be anything too special. We're just on top if some building. Mikasa grabs my hand again. We're sitting on the edge of the building. I feel my stomach flip a little when I look down. Everything looks like bland, gray scale legos.

"This is it." She points out to the horizon. I have to pull my eyes away from the ground.

"Wow." That's all I can muster. I see all the of the sea's visitors. The boats are lit up coming into shore from left to right. They remind me of fire flies buzzing around the great depths of the forest, or falling stars lighting up the sky. I look further to the right and see the City's bridge all lit up. It acts as the North Star.

"This... this is great, Mikasa."

"I'm glad you like it." She smiles.

I move closer to her and rest my head on her shoulder. She wraps an arm around my waist. We stay like that, wrapped up in each other. My God, Mikasa, is so warm. I swear she's like a portable heater. I nuzzle in closer and she allows it. The sea comes crashing in and out, my eyes get lost in the hypnotic motions. Somewhere along the line my eyes start to close and I resist it. I keep opening and closing them. My eyes burn and I know that I'm losing the battle. It's also not helping me cuddling a portable heater either. I lost battle against sleep, but I'm not complaining. My vision blurs and the last thing I hear is the soft winds of the sea and Mikasa's small inhales. It's the first time in a long time that I've had to fight off sleep instead of fighting to go to sleep. It's the first time I've felt so comfortable in someones arms.


	5. Chapter 5

There's a slight pounding in my head. The little man that lives inside me is playing his drums again and is threatening to pull on the velvet red string that is my uvula. I don't know why I'm so hung over. I really don't remember drinking that much.

"Jesus," I manage to lift up my body and immediately rub my eyes. "What happened?" I slowly open my eyes. They sting from the little cracks of sunshine leaking through the blinds. I look down away from the sunlight. I see hardwood floors. They're really clean, like I can see my own reflection off of them. "Wow." I croak.

"Wait..." My eyes open up a little more as I realize that my apartment has carpet and my house has _never_ been this clean. I crane my neck to the left and to the right. "This- this is definitely _not_ my apartment." I say in a horse voice.

I look down and notice I'm wearing an over-sized tee shirt and black sweats. "These, these aren't my clothes." A wave of anxiety floods over my body. Did I go home with someone last night? _Shit, shit, shit._ I close my eyes and try to focus. "What happened?" The panic is settling deep into my bones.

"Okay, okay, the last thing I remember was being at the bar... I drank a little then and..." I feel my cheeks redden as I remember last nights events. My hands cover my face as I release a sigh. "Ohhhhh man, I didn't, did I?" My body falls on the soft sheets. They're still warm. I crawl back into the sheets and wrap them around my body. "Not with her? No, no the last thing I remember was sitting on top of that building."

A sick weed comes full bloom in my stomach. It stems from my anxiety. The little man is getting poisoned by its toxic fumes. "What if it was someone else?! What if some creep took me home!" My hands slide over my mouth and I feel tears breach my eyes.

I stare at the white walls for awhile, trying to calm myself down. I observe the room. Everything is put up and in order. It almost looks like no one lives here. There's no decorations or anything.

"Hey maybe I'm in Heaven. I mean, how else can this place be so clean?" I start to laugh out of delusion. "Yeah I just fell off the building last night then I woke up to this snazzy place." How terrible is it that thinking I'm dead is so much more _appealing _to me than thinking that I slept with Mikasa or some random dude? I guess that speaks volumes to my priorities. Pride before the fall, or at I least I hope I fall before my pride does.

I lay on the bed for a little while longer staring at the unfamiliar ceiling. I feel my nerves start to calm down. I finally work up enough courage and energy to get up. I walk languidly towards the door. Damn, my whole body feels so sore. My hand slowly grips the cold medal and turns the knob.

"Hey." I hear a familiar voice say. I slowly look up to see Jean with some serious bed head.

"What are you doing here?" I ask seriously confused.

"I slept here, you know as Eren's, um, well, I guess as his _guest_..." He nods his head, agreeing with himself. "What are you doing here?"

I press my two index fingers together. "You know, I really don't know to be honest." My nervous laughter fills the very empty halls of the house.

"Oh..." Jeans says with a peculiar look on his face and piqued eyebrows.

"So is this Eren's house then?" I ask.

"No, well I guess yes for now. Agh, look it was their parent's house." Jean buries his face in his hands. He looks frustrated.

"It 'was' their's? Did they sell it to them?"

Jean's face becomes somber now. "You really don't know?" Jean exhales a deep sigh and runs his hands through his hair. "They were in accident a few months ago when they were traveling in Europe. Eren and Mikasa are here to square away all the financial stuff now."

"Oh." That's my body can do for now. Just make a little O shape and squeak out a one syllable sound.

"Yeah." Jean's voice is soft and he looks down at the floor boards.

The awkward silence hangs in the air like a feather desperately fighting against gravity.

"Hey" Jean says with a small smile hanging on his lips. "help me wake up, Eren. I've been trying to get him up for the past fifteen minutes."

"Oh, okay."

Jean leads me up stairs to a green painted door. We walk in to see a sprawled out Eren hiding under the blankets. Jean lightly kicks Eren.

"Eyy, come on now. It's nearly one in the afternoon now. You're pissing the whole day away."

A nearly inaudible moan can be heard. "Mmmmhhhhhp."

"C'mon on ya lazy bum. We have to go grocery shopping and run other errands!" Jean pulls back the blanket covering Eren's head. He whispers something in Eren's ear.

"Ammmmmah, but I'mmm so slwweepy." Eren pulls the blanket back over his head. "Later." He shouts.

Jean walks away from Eren then looks at me. "You got any ideas?"

I think for a second then nod my head. My reflexes still aren't the best due to my condition and my reactions are delayed, but this should work.

Jean spreads his hands out. "Go for it. I officially give up." Jeans says softly.

I walk quietly over to Eren. I trace my finger ever so gently on his left calf that is sticking out. "Now, Eren, don't freak out but there's a huuuge spider on you." I make sure move my finger just a smidgen to make sure he feels it. "Now, Jean and me didn't want to tell you right away or squish it because it looks poisonous. We can't risk you being bitten. You know that black one with the red diamond, a black widow? I think that's what they're called. It's nearly the size of a quarter, so we need you to move very slowly so we can-"

Eren jumps off the bed and proceeds to freak out. "Oh my God, what? It's on my leg, my left, my right?!"

"Left!" Jean shouts.

Eren hops on his right leg and swats at his left calf repeatedly. "Is, is it gone?! I'll kill every last spider if it's not! DIE! " Eren says with desperation and rage dripping from his voice.

Jean and I are barreled over, trying our best hide our laughs.

Eren's ears turn red. "Did you just punk me, Sasha?!" He throws a pillow at me, but it only makes me laugh harder and louder. "It's not funny! Really it's not." Eren huffs.

Jean manages to get a sentence out in between all the laughter. "Yes, it really is, Eren. In fact, it's hilarious."

Eren then starts to throw more pillows at us and even resorts to using his dirty socks. This ultimately drives us out of his room.

Jean gives me a five high. "Thanks. If it wasn't for that little stunt he would have slept till nearly three in the afternoon again."

"Anytime, Jean. There's nothing better than making Eren spazz out."

He smiles. "I'll be kitchen if you need me."

"Okay." I shake my head. Jean goes his separate way while I am left trying to figure out what to do. I still don't know what happened. I need to ask Mikasa what happened. Hopefully, she'll actually what happened remember last night.

I wander down stairs. There's been no sign Mikasa. I checked the kitchen, the den, family room, and everywhere else I could look. I finally venture outside, cupping my hands from the far too bright sunshine. My eyes starts to water from the intensity of the light. I manage to spot a figure in slight distance despite my handicap.

I fairly sure that's Mikasa. My feet travel towards the figure in front of me. Before I know it, I'm in green house. The rooms a little stuffy but it smells divine in here.

"Mikasa." I say even keeled.

She turns around and smiles. She sets down her tools on the near by workbench.

"Hey. Happy to see you're up, sleepy head. I was starting to think I was going to have to check for a pulse."

My hand rests on my neck. "Yeah, yeah at least I woke up before, Eren."

She laughs quietly. "Well that's not too surprising. He's a diva you know. He has to get his beauty sleep."

"Oh, I see. Who would have known?"

She smiles politely. "So what brings you here? Do you have an affinity to plants too?"

"Ah well no, to be honest I'm more of the movement type when it comes to appreciating nature. Like hiking, biking, and swimming." I wrap my arms around myself. "Ummm, I came here to ask about last night." My voice looses control on the last word.

"Last night?" Mikasa says seemly surprised.

"You know." There's a blush riding on my cheeks and I'm not even trying to hide it.

"I don't know actually? You mean like what happened or?"

"Yeah." I say relief ringing in my voice. I really didn't want to have to say or explain it out loud.

"We went to the bar, ugh, I took you to see the skyline of the city. You feel asleep, so I got a taxi, took you home. Well my home at least. I didn't know you lived... Anyways, you woke up when we reached here, my home." She rests her head on her hand and closes her eyes, a smile playing on her lips. "Then you a played drinking games with, Eren. You two hit it off real well." She opens her eyes. "Umm... then you passed out, I think that's it?" She bites her lip. "I don't think I'm forgetting anything. She then turns around and goes back to gardening.

I should be happy. I didn't sleep with Mikasa yet my heart feels like it just hit the floor. She's not acknowledging what happened? Was she too drunk to remember it too? Or does she just not want to talk about it? Why gloss over it like that? I cant bring myself to ask her. That would be too much for me right now.

My lips are parted slightly. "Ugh, yeah, okay," I nod my head. "al-right, that, that sounds reasonable." I say it like I'm perky but it's clearly faked. We can all blame that on my handover. "Thanks, you know, for letting me crash here. Sorry about being such a sloppy drunk." I force a chuckle. "Something really bad could have happened to me if you didn't take me here."

"What are friends for?"

I should be happy to hear her call me a friend. Intellectually, I know this. Emotionally, I'm about as psyched about that as a peasant living in the era of the bubonic plague.

All I can do is fake a smile and shake my head.

"Is that all, Sasha?"

"Umm no, to be honest, I don't know where I'm at... could you tell me? I don't know how to get home from here..." My words are a string of unknowns haphazardly thrown together.

"We're in Rose City, not too far from your farm." She makes eye contact with me again. Her eyes look glossed over again. Her brain must be buzzing with thoughts or something. "I'll take you home. It's no trouble."

I try to rest my hands in my pockets but there's none. "Hey" I let loose a defeated sigh. "Are these your clothes?"

"Yeah actually they are. Sorry, I should have said something earlier. You kept complaining that your clothes weren't comfortable so I lent you some."

"Oh no! Did I? That's embarrassing." I start laughing, my cheeks once again giving away my feelings. "Hey at least I wast so drunk that I couldn't change my clothes."

Mikasa stops laughing for a second and just smiles at me.

"What? Really?! No way. Oh man, how much did you let me drink!"

"I didn't have to change you per se... you were at least somewhat coherent. You just needed help balancing yourself and unzipping your dress."

"Wooow, I'm sorry. I really am." I cover my hand over my heart. "I really cant believe I let myself drink that much."

Mikasa waves her hand in the air. "We've all had nights like that. Don't worry about it." She looks down at the ground. "I really didn't mind at all. You're a good person, Sasha."

"Awwe, Mikasa, thank you, so are you."

Mikasa rolls up her sleeves to her blouse. "You know, I always saw you at lunch. You sat next to that ugh, what his name?" She snaps her fingers a few times while rocking her head. "Connie, Connie Springer." She chuckles slightly.

"You were always close enough to Eren, Armin, and I to say something, but you never did. I kept waiting for you to come over one day and just sit by us or something. I just knew it, you know, I could see you staring and everything. You wanted to sit by us, right? Or am just _that_ self conceited? Was that all in my head?"

"No, no you're right. I always wanted looking at you guys. I wanted to your friend. Y'all all just seemed so cool and nice."

"How come you never said anything to us?" Mikasa leans on side of the wall.

"Ahhh, I don't know. I wanted to but I was afraid."

"Afraid of what?" She face contorts. Her lips are pursed and eyebrows raised. She seems a bit shocked. I guess that isn't what she was expecting to hear.

I feel a little bit like a school girl now. All gushing over someone I admired and living the fantasy now. "Rejection, I guess." I shrug my shoulders still unsure of why.

"You thought we would say no? Really?" Mikasa's head is peaked to the right. She looks upset.

"I didn't think you would, honestly. I mean you were well liked, popular and everything like that, but your were always so nice too. Except for Eren, he could be a little bit aggressive when it came to other guys though." I wave my hand dismissing my own comment. "That's beside the point. I think I was afraid of the idea of being rejected? I knew that it probably wouldn't have happened, you know. But that was enough to stop me."

Mikasa's face relaxes and she nods. "At least we're friends now."

I give a cheeky smile. "Yeah." Just friends, that's _great_. That is _so_ awesome. It's best to keep thing simple.

"Hey before I take you home, wanna grab a bite to eat?"

"Yeah that sounds good. I'll treat!"

"Really?"

"Yeah after last night? Of course."

And so began our flurry of platonic dates. Friendship is just _so _great.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: So this is going to be a 'set up' sort of chapter and will be a bit _shorter_ than previous chapters. As always, please fav/follow/review if you enjoyed the story so far.

* * *

She smells like pines trees. Always fresh and minty.

It makes me think of all the times my father took me hunting in the forest. The feeling of the wind whispering her secrets to me, tickling my skin. Listening to the birds sing their special daytime songs, belting out chords that felt like they were just for me. Watching the proud deer pound on the ground, gallantly running while under my scoop. The way the adrenal danced through my body. It made me feel invincible. It was the smell that always got me though. Pine trees in the winter were better than the smell of fresh bread or apple pie. It always had this way of making me feel at home. The aroma was relaxing and surrounded me. It was a constant. The smell greeted me the way I've always wanted to be. That is with soft embrace that let me know it was there. No, nothing beats the smell of pine trees.

I was always so excited to visit the forest. It the only time outside of school when my old man let me leave the farm. Being around the incessant clucking of the hens and the impenetrable odor of cow manure was freedom for my preteen self. Going out hunting also meant that my dad would talk _to_ me rather than talking _at_ me. He was always a stoic guy but being out there in the wild. Man, the forest seemed to bring out another side of him. It made he feel alive. Out there, hunting are the only times I remember my dad smiling. The only times where you could see his passion and love of life. Or at least, the only he expressed it around me.

The killing used to bother me. I would purposely miss by a few centimeters. The bullet would just graze the innocent little animal and be caught by a tree. I always felt bad for the trees too. So many bullets they were forced to catch. My father knew what I was doing, at least eventually. For the longest time he would tell me to stop jerking my hands to the left and try to correct my behavior. It wasn't till I was fourteen he figured that it was intentional. He stopped taking me then. We really stopped talking at that point too. I guess there wasn't a whole lot to say. Most of our conversations were a string of grunts and pointing from that point on.

"Hey, how much longer?"

"Mhhhhh?" I mumble. My eyes stay focused on the tattoo. "It'll be at least another forty-five minutes."

She sighs softly.

"Hang in there, Mikasa. It'll be worth it."

My mind goes back to reliving the past.

I used to sneak into the forest when my father stopped taking me. I would bring a stack of books and nuzzle up on the back a tree trunk. I basked in the shade. I explored new worlds. I enjoyed the silence. It was my own place out there. Connie hated the forest though. He bellowed about the bugs and his fear bears, but he lived in town. He still had his mom, and his dad liked him. Connie saw dirt and danger where I saw freedom and tranquility in the forest. Connie could never understand. He ate too many vegetables he never grew to ever understand. Connie had too many hugs and bed time stories read to him to ever see what I saw in the forest. In that way, I still envy him. His safe haven was his home.

In it was in those endless day in the forest I never felt lonely. I could be in my own skin. I could practice my archery and cut through the wind gracefully. My hands could get calloused without someone there to remind me it was unladylike like. I could laugh till I snorted and there were no grave repercussions. I loved that place because there was no one to tell me no. Even better there was no one there to ignore me. It was only myself I had to answer to, and the trees made great listeners.

Sometimes, Connie, would meet me half way and we would go swimming in the lake. He and I would race there. I always ran bare foot while he insisted on wearing his basketball shoes. I won nearly every time. My feet banged on the muddy floors of the forest while his sunk in. Connie was faster but he was afraid to make short cuts. He always went for the distance. That was his problem. Connie could never have enough confidence to step out of the box. He was too afraid of getting dirty. In the end, it didn't matter. We both ran and dived into the lake. Our bodies crashed into the cool feeling mini sea. It's true what they say, it's the journey that really counts. No one feels that way when they're young though.

My body was drenched. I was completely immersed not only in the water but moment. Connie and I had contest to see who could hold their breath the longest. He always beat me at that. I would thrash about and wiggle when I started to feel my lungs buckle. Connie kept his cool. He could lay there all day. So it was never really about that he had more stamina than me, more that I wigged out. There would never be enough oxygen for me. I always feel like I'm suffocating.

"Jeez, Sasha, you're such a spaz." Connie would laugh and point at me.

"Yeah I am, but I'm also a poor loser!" I'd cup my hand and splash the water at him and again a new battle would start. I can still here our laughter reverberating around the hollow landscape.

"Mmmm, I miss you." I can't stop the word from pouring out of my mouth.

"What?" Mikasa asks pointedly.

I clear my voice. "Nothing, I was... I was talking to myself." I pray that the dam around my eyes holds up, because I can't deal with a leak right now.

I let my hands continue to do what is their nature, create. I focus only on my work. No more reminiscing. I try to pack in vivid colors that won't fade over the next incoming years. I do what I do best which is reacting rather than thinking. My instincts are always on point.

"We're just about done for the day, Mikasa."

"Okay." I see her struggle to remain still. I feel more than a twinge of sympathy.

"You know, you've been probably one of the best clients I've ever had." I pause for a second and readjust my tool. "Most people, especially, the newbies would have cried ages ago. and quiver or thrash about." I gently, well as gently as I can apply the ink. "You haven't so much as jerked since I've had you on my table." She's a tattoo artist's wet dream really. I couldn't ask for a better client.

I'm looking for some kind of reaction. Hopefully a positive one. She allows my words to hang in the air. Not even so much as twitch from the lips or brows.

"I can't believe this is your first piece." I say while shaking my head in disbelief. "I'm glad it was me that got to pop your tattoo cherry."

"Excuse me?" Mikasa huffs.

"Oh sorry, was that too vulgar for you? I didn't mean offend." I snicker to myself. "Honestly, I always like being people's first. There's something special about being the first person to adorn someone's body with art."

Mikasa gives me an icy look. I dont know what her problem is? Maybe it's from the pain of the tattoo. I hope it is.

She sighs, again. "I can understand that. Back at base, I liked to be the first person to teach the new cadets about firearms."

"Ohh wow." My eyes widen a bit. "I guess that's kind of similar."

"Oh what are you afraid of guns or something, Sash?" There's that smile that I've become so accustom to. Figures she would only show it when teasing me.

"No, no on the contrary really. I jut prefer archery to be honest. I find it to be a little more..." I try to search for the proper word. "civil."

"Hmmm... that's an interesting way to put."

I stop my machines and instruct Mikasa to get up. She stands in front of the full length mirror and looks at her tattoo. We go through the same dance as before.

"Remember to keep it wrapped for at least three hours." I look at the clock. "So it's ten now; don't even think of taking that bad boy off until one."

"Of course." She's showing those cold vacant eyes again.

"Ah, okay, you're free to go then."

She starts to walk off but then turns around at the last minute. She doesn't say anything at first. Mikasa just kind of looks at me.

"Yes?"

She breaks eye contact from me and look to the left. "Jean's throwing a party. You should go."

"Sounds fun. When and where?" I start put away my equipment.

"Tomorrow, seven, 3690 Chatteua Way."

"Who's coming?" Her eyes finally come back and rest on me.

"A bunch of people... Me, Eren, Krista, Ymir, Marco, Bertolt, Reiner, and so on. Jean's friends, put simply. A lot of people from high school."

I shake my head softly. "Yeah, sure tell him I'll be there."

She acknowledges my answer with a firm head shake and stalks off.

The morning is still middle aged and I have a full day of work ahead of me. I plow through the day by staying in my head. By thinking of tomorrow. I feel my past teenage self living vicariously through adult me again. I really shouldn't be excited to be going to a stupid party. yet I am. I can feel my blood buzzing and head whirling by just thinking about it. Although, I think I'm mostly excited to spend time with Mikasa... again.

The day finally comes to a close.

"You're taking Monday off."

"Excuse me?" I pivot on my heel and see Terry closing up shop.

"Take a long weekend." Terry says still counting up today's profits.

"Oh, oh okay... How come?" He's never done this sort of thing before.

"You've been happy lately. It's been so long since you've been like that." He sets the money down on the counter. "I can see it your work and even the way you walk... Go have fun with your friends. Not just tomorrow night either. Take advantage of this." The older man smiles sweetly at me and shows his age. Weird to think there was a time when he was young too.

I've been _happy_ the past couple of weeks since Eren and Mikasa have been here. It's been confusing to say the least, especially with these _feelings_ and all. I rest my hand over my heart. But I've really enjoyed spending time with her? I've been having fun, smiling, and even looking forward to the next day...

"You're right." I say astonished and slightly shocked.

He gives me a nod that parent nod that says I know. "Now get along before I make you help me close."

"You don't have to tell me twice!" I scramble out of the shop.

I walk to the back parking lot and I start my car engine. When I get home, I go straight for my bedroom. I slide off my shoes and start to look for an outfit.

I'm sure knowing, Jean, that this is definitely a casual sort of party. I settle on some jeans matched with a white blouse and grey striped sweater. I set my clothes on my dresser.

"This is good."

I try it on and look in the mirror.

I rest my hand on my jaw. "It's ok-aaaay-ish."

"Right?"

I bite my thumb. "Man this looks like a soccer car mom outfit."

"Shit." I breathe.

I look for a new outfit for tomorrow in the jungle that is my closet.


	7. Chapter 7 (Part A)

AN: Wow, this was getting to be too long of a chapter so I split it in half.

* * *

Have you ever noticed your face looks weird if you stare long enough? I have. My eyes look little orbs coated in chocolate. And my lips look too pink. It's like they've been painted on by some creepy clown in the middle of the night without my knowledge. I've also never noticed how my freckles have nearly faded until up until now. Or the small wrinkle developing on my forehead. It feels like my whole face has changed in a day. Some of my features seem so foreign to me now. I can't stop my hand from running along my face. It doesn't seem real unless I feel it.

I know that's not true though. Every change has been gradual. There's just a little irony in that you can wake up every day, look at your face in the mirror as you brush your teeth for nearly a minute twice a day, and not notice the things that change about you. Everything seems the same until look harder and see it isn't. Then the light switch goes on and you can't pretend you haven't seen the light. You can't go back to living in the dark. You can't pretend to not know. The truth is and has always been right in front of you.

I keep applying my make-up, glossing over every change in my face. Slowly but surely, I like the end result. My lips glisten and my cheeks have a manufactured blush about them. I don't mind that. I do a little turn in the mirror, and feel my hands start to go through the same motions, grasping hard onto my hair, ready to pull it up. Except this time I stop them. Tonight is the night I let my hair down.

I could spend all day getting ready. I practicality did just that too.

I look at my cellphone and see it's nearly time to go.

"If God gave me all the time in the world to be prepared, it still wouldn't be enough." I mumble to myself.

I drive to Jean's house. It's the same as it was in high school. Big white house, wide concrete steps leading up the door. I knock loudly, so he can hear me over the blaring music. The vibrations tickle my skin.

"Come in!" Jean shouts. I cautiously comply.

I would say that floorboards creek and greet as an old friend, but this is the first time I've ever been inside. I'm a stranger here. The only reason I remember his house, or what it looks like is because Connie. He lived not too far away from here. We egged this place a few times in high school. Pranking Jean always made us feel better about anything and everything really. Failed a math test? TP Jean's house. Get rejected? Fork Jean's house. Feeling bored? Request that several religious organizations to his house to answer 'his' questions. It always end the same way, Connie and me belled over, laughing so hard that we can't breathe anymore. Tears daring to pour out of our eyes, as we watch Jean slowly but surely freak out from the safety of Connie's house.

I see a burr in my peripheral. It's Jean's hands. He's waving them about.

"Please, make yourself at home. Drinks are out in the backyard. There's also a pool if you feel like taking a dip."

I nod my head. "Okay, thanks."

"See you later." Jean walks with away practically glowing. I've never seen him so energetic or excited about anything before.

I wander around, unsure of where to go. Not knowing where to go or recognizing anyone's faces, is a little unnerving. A sick feeling floats to the top of my of my stomach. I push it back down just like good Braus's do. There's no time for that.

Eventually, I find a sliding glass door and venture out to the backyard. I spot a few familiar faces. Krista and Ymir still seemed to be joined at the hip. They're talking to some other group of people I don't know. Ymir's hand rests on Krista' shoulder. They look happy together, smiling and relaxed. It doesn't seem like their relationship has changed much. Bertolt who's as tall as ever is standing awkwardly by some short haired blonde hair girl. They don't appear to be talking though. Just standing there, waiting for something or someone I presume?

I search for the nearest cooler. I spot it not too far from where I am. I open the lid to find a sea of cheap beer. I shake my head.

"Not again." Memories of my last hang over flood my mind. My muscles tense up from just the thought of it.

I look for the next cooler. It's on the other side of the pool. I walk briskly to it, trying my best to avoid eye contact. I don't know why I'm acting so shy? Normally I don't mind being social. It's usually fun but here it's different. A lot of these people knew me from high school. I was and still am "potato girl" to them. I don't have any other name. I don't want to be seen as that person anymore.

I pick up a can of soda and drink while I think this all over. I don't feel any better. There's still a sick feeling lingering in my stomach. I shake my head.

"Screw it."

I force my eyes off the ground and look my up. There's no backlash. The world doesn't end. No one has shouted "Eyyyy, it's you! The Potato queen. Quick everyone, hide food your food, especially if they're starches."

I roll my neck around a few times, feeling a bit of confidence come back to me with each turn.

"Jeez, how could I ever think they would actually remember that, much less care?" I mutter under my breath. This isn't bad at all. In fact this part even looks fun. I should go and visit with Ymir and Christa.

I feel a hand rest on my shoulder. "Hey, it's _you_!"

A sick, twisted feeling runs up from my spine. _You've got to be kidding me._

I slowly crane my neck back to see Marco Bodt standing by me. He looks the same. He's still lanky as all get and parts his hair in the middle. He still looks like the type of guy who does calculus for fun. Although, in all truth, Marco, was a humanities man in heart. He loved nothing more than history.

"Sasha, you seem lost in thought... Everything alright?" His eyes are trying look through me. See what's wrong.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm..." I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I'm a terrible liar. "I'm admiring Jean's house?" I nervously laugh afterwards. That may have sounded believable to a deaf man but even then, I think he may have his suspicions.

Marco simply smiles and nods. He doesn't push the subject, because he's intuitive and nice. After all, he's Marco. That kind of stuff is second nature to him. Back in the day, I used to come to him when I had problems with Connie. He always knew what to say and how to make things better.

I don't want to burden him now with my feelings though. Especially when they're so irrational. I can't hardly tell him how anxious he's making me. I can't tell him that the only reason I came was to talk to Mikasa. I can't tell him that I can't get her out of my head. I can't tell him that I never knew the definition of _want_ first hand till I touched her.

Oh man, I'm in my own head again. In order to escape my own rant, I say the first things that comes to mind.

"So why are you here? I don't suppose you're admiring Jean's house as well, are you?"

He gives me a sly side ways glance. "No, no, I can't say that I am." His Adam's Apple bobs up down. "I'm actually avoiding him right now to be honest." Now it's his turn to have a nervous laugh. Plot twist. Who would have though Mr. kind and stable Marco would be the one to confide in me?

I try to think of what Marco would do if the roles were reversed. "Uuuurgh, why?"

"We" He opens his mouth then closes it sharply. "I mean, I was once very close to, Jean, you see. Then we just weren't one day." He shakes his head softly. "You know how it is? You move on in life, so does he. You both meet new people; make new memories." He takes an exasperated sigh and his voice sounds considerably more somber. " It'd be weird seeing him right now. I need another one of these in me before then."

He gestures to the can of beer in his hand and chuckles.

"Things are... they're different now, for the _both_ of us." I can hear the emotion in his voice. It's raw and screams of fear or some kind of twisted sadness. I wish I could say that I could relate, but that would be a lie. I never hope feel that way.

I nod my head not really sure what that's all about or what to say.

"I'm sorry, Marco." I reach my hand out to rub his arm. He lets me.

He looks down at the ground. "It's okay, Sasha. _I'm_ okay."

I can tell whatever happened must have hurt him. And for that, I can sympathize. I know the feeling of loss, but it sounds like he had Jean taken away from him. I couldn't imagine my friend being taken away from me by anything. Particularity if it was at the hands of fear or laziness. I wouldn't stand it and neither should, Marco. Friendships must preserve no matter what. It's the rarest and most selfless relationship one will ever have. Connie taught me that.

"It's never too late, you know. You can make things good again here tonight. You can still be each other's friends."

"Ye-ah,"He chuckles lightly. "friends" He says slowly with a small smile. Something seems off about it though. I just can't seem to put my finger on it. Maybe it's the way he said it. Marco, says the word friend like it's a four letter word.

"I'm off to get another beer." He looks towards the opposite end of the house. "See you soon, Sasha." He waves and walks off.

"See you around, Marco!"

I look to see if Ymir is still around but it looks like they went somewhere else.

"Oh well, I'm sure I'll see them around."

"**Grugurgrpgurrghghghg" **my stomach howls.

"I guess it's time to eat, huh?" I rub a hand over my stomach. "Give me a minute, buddy."

Soda in hand, I walk back through the backdoor. I wander back inside and walk towards the kitchen. I'm on the hunt to find something to snack on. I can feel my stomach practically gnawing on itself.

I look on the counter in the kitchen and see broccoli, salads, and sliced avocados.

"Wooow, that's a lot of green stuff." I contemplate if I'm hungry enough to munch solely on veggies.

"I know right? It's great!" Jean beams. "I thought I would try to be ultra healthy."

"Why?" I say with almost disgust. "Chips, salami, and cheese are yummy." I wine.

Jean blinks at me like someone just asked him how to use a white crayon on computer paper.

"Because. Vegetables. Are. H-e-a-l-t-h-y. Chips are not, Sasha."

"I know but why the concern now? You split a meat lover's dish pizza with me like a week ago with Mikasa and Eren."

"Because he's a vegan now." Jeans replies without missing a heartbeat.

"Who?" I question.

"..." Jeans blushes.

I furrow my brows. "Who Jean? Who's this vegan that's so special?"

"Maaaaa-rco." Jean whispers. He shifts his weight all on his left foot.

"Marco?" I'm in a state of disbelief. "You're only feeding us _grass_ because Marco's a vegan? Seriously, Jean?! Really!"

"I didn't want him to feel offended or left out." Jean tries to rationalize.

"Then why not have something for us carnivores and omnivores too?" I throw my hand on my chest. "I don't want to feel left out, Jean."

Jeans shakes his head, clearly contemplating what to do. "Well who cares about you?" He teases.

"Hey!" I playfully throw a piece of lettuce at him.

"Oh so you can touch it? I'm surprised it doesn't burn you, Braus!"

I fling a slice of the avocado at him. It lands. He wipes it off his sleeve.

"Fine, fine. Fair enough." Jean reluctantly pulls out some pre-sliced cheese and salami from his fridge then sets it off in the corner. "Happy?"

"Very much so." I say right before I stuff my mouth. "Your offering has been accepted." He laughs.

Jean starts to walk out but I call out to him before his hand hits the door.

"Hey Jean, what's the deal between you two?"

...

_Click._

"Weeellll then, I guess he doesn't want to talk about it."

I snack until I feel that insatiable fire of hunger dim to a mild candle flame. With a nearly full belly, I stalk off to see who's else at the party.

I walk into the living room, there's a huddle of men watching the baseball game, screaming about how that "I-diot umpire don't knoow a damn thang about nothin'!". I quickly walk out, deathly afraid that I will spill one of their beers or bring in 'bad juju'. My dad always used to tell me that on Sunday afternoons. If I walked into the living room and a bad play was made it. It was my fault and I was promptly kicked out of room. I really didn't want to be yelled in unison by drunk bros or be kicked out of anymore rooms.

I walk all around the house only to find people making out in closets, having sex in bathrooms, and smoking. I feel like this is the adult version of Dora the Explorer.

The only place left to see is the 'dance floor' as far as I know.

Which basically Jean's cleared out living room. It's nice though. There's a DJ which is surprising to me since Jean's so cheap. The flashing lights seem to be a bit much to me but it's not so bad. It actually looks like it could be fun. I really do enjoy dancing, but I don't know anyone out there... There's that familiar feeling again, anxiety. I swear if I had a dollar for every time I second guessed myself; I would have enough money to never care again. I could literally pay a guy to follow me around and say "Stay chiill bra. It's all good. I got ya." And he would give me back massages and prep talks all day.

"If only there was someone I knew to dance with..." I look in the room, searching for someone, anyone that I could just stand by without it being awkward city. I'm only meet with strange faces and sweaty figures that all look the same.

My feet carry me to to the back of the house. The further I go the more muffled the music gets. I find that comforting. I come a dead end when I see a red door in front of me. I guess there was one more place I haven't seen yet.

Naturally, my hand goes to grip the cold metal. I'm expecting to be met with an empty room. I don't discover that though. I find Mikasa sitting on a chair by the window pane inside.


	8. Chapter 7 (Part B)

Hey, there's quite a few new readers for this fic now! I can only thank Trumpy for this. They did a really _awesome_ fanart for this fic. If you haven't already, you should go to their FF profile, follow the link posted there and view it on their DA account . Also, someone mentioned that I made an error about Mikasa's eyes. You are totally right; they are grey. Thanks for bringing that to my attention. I fixed it.

* * *

"Ya comfy?"

"As comfortable as an introvert can be at a party." Mikasa says with a deadpan face.

"I can understand that. I'm a little petered out myself, too many people."

"I thought you liked people? You're pretty friendly."

I rest my hands on my head. "Yeah I am when I'm around _my_ people, you know? The ones that are a little more out there and are dorks. These are Jean's people... The worst you have to worry about at my sort of parties is someone kicking your butt at Mario Kart... At, Jean's, I feel like if I go on the dance floor, someone's gonna molest me."

She shakes her head, snickering. "I know the feeling."

I take a seat next to her on a bean bag.

"Really, a bean bag?" She coos. "What are you five?" She smirks.

"Yes, yes Mikasa, I am five years old. You caught me."

"I'm glad that you're starting to come to terms with it." Mikasa runs her hands through her bangs. "So, what made you come in here?"

"Weeeelll... I was walking around the house and it seemed like everywhere I went, either someone was getting it on or there was drunk bros yelling over the some sort of sports game. That little adventure lasted about two hours."

I tilt my head and slink my shoulders down.

"Then I thought I would dance, but there was no one there to dance with I knew. And like I said, I don't feel comfortable doing it with a stranger or even alone. What some dude comes up on me and is super prevy or somthing?" I puff out my lips and sigh. "I really wanted to dance too."

"Are you pouting?"

"What, nooo!" I rub my hand against my collarbone.

"You were so totally just pouting, Sasha."

"No! Well, ookay, maybe I was... but could you blame me?" I let loose a deep sigh. "I only know a handle full of people here and even then those people weren't exactly friendly towards me when I knew them. It's weird feeling lonely in a room full of people."

"You hang out with me, if you want. I'm not exactly friendly either but at least you know we're friends." Mikasa gives me that reassuring smile she normally only reserves for Eren. My heart feels a little lighter. "You don't have to feel weird with me."

"… Thanks, Mikasa." I turn to face the other direction. Looking her in eyes right now would be too much to handle right now.

It's quiet.

"So what brought you down here?" I ask desperate to keep the conversation going.

She throws her hands up on her head. "Eren, well Eren and Jean." She mutter something under her breath then sighs. "Jeans acting like little bitch and Eren's acting like a jealous fool."

"I haven't seen Eren yet but I know what you mean about, Jean. Although," I pause. "I don't think I would have called him that."

Mikasa chuckles and wraps her arms around her stomach. "Then what you would you call him?"

"Uggggh..." There's that feeling magnificent again. It's like I'm on cloud nine. My body is feeling all light and free. All I want to do is laugh and talk to her. Who needs alcohol when you can be around Mikasa Ackerman?

"I don't know maybe schoolgirl like?" I don't know why but I start laughing. I can't seem to find the right expression. "He's just aiming to please Marco, you know? Doesn't he remind you of a school girl trying to catch the attention of his senpai?"

"Maybe." She snickers. "You're a dork, Sasha."

"I'll take that as a compliment." I whip back.

"Good, I meant it as one."

"You know, we really don't know each other that well." I say. "We've hung out a lot in the past couple of weeks but we haven't really talked... like you know about real stuff, big stuff."

"You're right." Mikasa's are eyes glazed from sleepiness. I look at the clock and it reads ten fifteen. I laugh to myself. What a light weight.

"Then let's get to know each other." I cross my leg over my knee. "I ask a question, you answer honestly then you ask me, and so on... Sound like a plan?"

"Sure."

"Great, so I'll go first." Mikasa pipes.

"Oh... okay." I try my best to not pout.

I lean back in my chair. I have to try and fight off my own sleepiness now. It's funny how it creeps up on you. One minute you're laughing from the bottom of your stomach and swinging your hands around jovially. The next, your body feels a thousand pounds too heavy and your eyes burn. I'm always left with the same feeling surprise. Although, I've been feeling the heaviness of my body for hours now. Same goes for how each time I closed my eyes, they stayed closed for a millisecond longer. Happiness can be deceiving sometimes. It

Mikasa opens her mouth then promptly closes it. She takes a deep breath and pauses. "Why are you so tired so tired, Sasha?" That isn't the type of question I was expecting.

"Why are you so tired?" I whip back.

"It's my turn to ask, Sasha. Answer."

"Fiiine." I roll my eyes. "It sounds really lame, but it's really warm in here. And I ate not too long ago. Also I'm not really a stay up late person to begin with. I'm more of a heavy and early sleeper to begin with... so it all" I gesture to the room then my stomach. "make me want to crash and burn like my car."

"You're right. That does sound kind of lame." She teases.

I reach for the near by throw pillow and toss it at her. She raises her hands up to protect her face. I keep throwing them at her until I run out of ammo.

"Crap." I mumble.

Mikasa stops cover her face and scoops out the pillows around her. She starts to pelt me with the pillows I just got done throwing at her. I roll over and protect my face. She continues to throw them at me.

"You think that'll work, huh?" She jeers.

Mikasa gets up from her chair and straddles me. Her finger promptly start to wiggle and tickle my skin. Her finger skillfully move up and down my body. Prodding methodically to see where my weakness are. She eventually settles on my ribs. I cant stop laughing and wiggling. Mikasa quickly sees that the place that will get the biggest reaction out of me. She keeps at this to the point where I can't breathe anymore. My breaths get shorter and shorter. I swing my hand down on the ground.

_Pat._

_Pat._

_Pat._

I tap out. I try swivel to the left the the right and she gets the hint. She dismounts of me. I lie there trying to breathe normally. Mikasa stands over me smirking. She looks so pleased with herself.

"You're good." I take a deep sigh finally regaining control of my lungs.

"I know." Mikasa sits back down on me again. Mikasa isn't done. No, me lying dace up this only gives her better position. Mikasa goes straight back to my ribs.

"Let's count shall we? How many ribs do you have?"

Her hands hover over my sides. The anticipation is killing me. I try to buck her off. It doesn't work; it only makes her more determined. I can see it in her smile.

"One…"

My skin tingling and I can't stop my booming laughter from escaping.

"Two..."

She starts to use both hands now.

"Three…" I can see she's laughing too now.

It's actually starting to hurt from hard I'm laughing now.

"Fo- aw. I lost count. We'll start again. One…"

"Okay! Okay!"

She stops.

"Do you give up?"

" Yeees I give up. I give up I gave up when ealier too!" I manages to squeak out in between all the giggles.

"Good." She chimes. I feel a weight literally be lifted from my chest. Allow, I find myself wishing it was back even if it was for another second. "I just wanted to hear it aloud."

I lay starfish style of the beanbag. Feeling never more tired yet awake in my life.

"Same question." I say still wearing a smile on my face like it's never going to go out of fashion.

She glances over towards me as she takes her seat. "It's a military thing. At school lights are out by ten thirty. Those habits die hard."

"Well that's a lame reason." I mock her monotone voice.

"You're right. It is. It's so lame to live the soldier's lifestyle and protect the country."

I let loose a hoarse chuckle. "Oh jeez, I didn't mean it like that."

We both sit there for awhile. We're both thinking of our next question.

I sit up and I practically pop open my eyes. "Mikasa let me go again! Switch order with me! Please, I just thought of the best question."

She gives me the same smile you would to a two year old telling how many teeth they have. That is sweet, loved, and only half listening. "Fine."

"Okay, so in an alternate universe, if vegetables or fruits were to somehow able to take over the planet which one would it be? Who would be the master overall of all produce, fruit, and humanity?"

"What?" Mikasa shakes her head apparently disapproving of my question.

"C'mon, just answer!" I say with a straight face. "It's a very serious question."

Mikasa laughs at my question.

"Okay, okay..." She rests her hand on her chin. "I guess cucumbers."

"Cucumbers? Nice choice. I personally am convinced it'd be the bananas. They're so easy to trip on and are strangely aerodynamic."

Mikasa nods her head gently. "Good to know." She sits up straight and rests her hand on her knee. "Why'd you drop out of college?"

"Oh, going straight for the tough questions, eyy?" I take a deep breathe and feel my brows furrow slightly. Go figure she'd counter my whimsical question with something heavy.

"Honestly, it didn't feel right. College wasn't for me." I rest my hands on the back of my neck, sinking further into my chair. I can't protest against the motion. Sinking into something and coming out a different person is something I wouldn't mind.

"I woke up one day during a snowstorm and realized how unhappy I was. It like having a weight attached to my chest being there... it seemed to steal my breath away. Always leaving me exhausted and hopeless state. Nothing felt right there."

She doesn't say anything. Mikasa just nods her head. Sometimes I forget the weight of my words. They can make people breathless too.

I don't know what to say, so I just say the first thing that comes to mind.

"You know, my dad was pissed when he found out. He wouldn't even let me sleep inside the house for the first couple of weeks. I lived in a barn." I look up at the ceiling. "A few weeks later he gave me notice. I was to get get out by the end of the month."

She's been so quiet I forget she was there. I turn to make eye contact when she speaks.

"What did you do?" Her voice is soft like velvet and her eyes look drenched with concern.

"I found a place. My friend, Connie, worked it all out so I could stay with his family till I got on my feet. That's how I started getting into tattooing. His uncle, Terry, you know the old man with the handle bar mustache?" I motion the shape of his stache with my hands.

"I remember him."

"Yeah him, he gave me a job at his shop and eventually let me apprenticed under him. I haven't talked to my dad since then." My voice crackles a little. I can feel that sadness wash over me again.

Mikasa stares awkwardly down at the ground. "I'm sorry, Sash…"

"It's no biggie!" I reach over and slap Mikasa's arm to stop her lookin' like her cat just died. "I'm happy now. I'm really genuinely happy now." At least, when I'm with you. I omit that last part. The weight of those words may forever change our friendship. I'm not ready for the possibility of losing her.

"O-kay." She nods her head.

I need to say something to change the mood of the room. It's thick and dense, almost unbearable.

"So Ms. Ackerman, tell me, how come you never came up and approached me in high school?"

"That's no fair. Pick another question."

"You asked not long ago. It's totally fair game."

Mikasa bites down on her lip. "Well..." She wraps her arms around herself. "I— I don't really know to tell the truth." She looks me in the eye. "I guess, I was always waiting for you to come over and say something. I never thought of approaching you. I always waiting for you to come to me..."

"Fair enough." I shrug my shoulder.

Mikasa rest her eyes on the ground and she wraps her arms around herself. "What do you remember about your first kiss?" She tries to ask casually but I can hear the curiosity overflowing out of her words.

I laugh, loudly. "Seriously? Jeez, okay give me a second. I'll have to think all the way back to middle school."

"Okay, the first thing I remember was that I blushing a lot. My face was practically as a red as a tomato." I put one finger up. "I remember that he had calmly hands. It totally creeped me out at the time." A second one goes up.

I pause for a second, thinking. Then a lift a third finger flies up in the air. "The thing that sticks out to me is the most is... was definitely his warm lips. He let them linger for a second, and I never want to stop kissing him to be honest."

"Who was it?" Her voice rings in my ears.

"It was Connie. We were like thirteen." The words rush out of my mouth like they are being fired out of a machine gun.

"We decided that we should be each other's first kiss." I look down at my hands. "He told me that it was important for our first kisses to be given someone who would love us forever. To this day," I look at Mikasa. "I don't think I can argue with that logic." The last sentence leaves my mouth in a smile.

A natural silence hangs in the air. Its not awkward. I interrupt this as the signal to ask the next question.

"Same question." I muse.

"I had a feeling that was coming. Ugh, okay." She runs her fingers through her hair. "It was actually Jean. We were like eleven. He asked to hang out with the all of us, you know, Eren, Armin, and myself to go see a movie. Not really a romantic atmosphere at all... we were in the middle of watching Elf, do you remember that movie?"

"I do."

"You know the part where he puts syrup in his spaghetti? It's then Jean randomly decides to lean over and plant one on me. I didn't know how to respond, so I instinctively elbowed him in the gut. I felt really bad about it, kind of."

"Jesus, Mikasa." Laughter bubbles up from my stomach and fizzles all the way up to my head. "Remind me to never surprise you. I'll get a black eye."

A small smile graces her lips. "Just make sure to ask first." My cheeks light up.

"I'll ask a 'Sasha question' this time around."

"Oh this should be good." I coo.

"If a penguin and a turtle were in a race, who would win?"

Without hesitation I blurt out my answer.

"The penguin!"

"Because they go faster?" She questions.

My head leans to the left. "Oh well that too, but I was thinking that the turtle would most likely be knocked over by the penguin. And you know, turtles can't get off their backs."

Mikasa stares at me then she starts to giggle.

"Alright then. Your turn."

"Do you sing in the shower?"

"No, I do not."

"Awwh, man never ever? You're missing out."

"Well maybe once. I think I did it once to that Journey song 'Living on a Prayer, honestly."

"Oh my God, I love that song." I say.

"Me too." Mikasa replies.

"Do you ever stargaze?" She gets up and looks out the window. The stars illuminate the sky.

"All the time." I get up and walk up the window too.

"When I was younger, I would run off to the woods all the time. I would spend the whole day out there. Reading, hiking, swimming, and really anything you could think of. At night, I would hike up this little hill and wait for the sun to set. Along the way I would try to catch fireflies in my jam jar... It's one of the few places in the town where you can clearly see the stars in all their glory. Out here in the subs, you don't see even a half of it's beauty."

"Oh yeah? You'll have to take me there one of these days. I'd love to see it."

"Yeah it'll be fun." I rest my hand over my chest. "I'm happy to show it to you."

We stand looking out at the starts for awhile. I'm tempted to ask to go outside and sit on the roof, but it's far too cold for that. My mind goes back to our little question game.

"What makes you happy, Mikasa?"

Mikasa starts to pat her hand on her leg. She quiet for a moment, seemly deeply contemplating the question. "My family and friends."

I don't wait for the question to be asked back. "Sunshine, rain, food, jokes, kisses, hugs, friends, family, books, water, music, and nature are all things that make me happy." I don't try to fight back the dopey smile that is plastered on my face.

"Good to know." She coolly replies.

"Do you remember— " I start talk but am cut off.

"It's my turn." Mikasa wags her finger playfully at me.

I try my best to not pout but my lips sag and the petty feeling is written all over my face in sharpie.

She closes her eyes. Her pale face looks at peace, even happy. I love seeing her like this. The way her lips curve the slightest and how she seems to exude calmness. I could watch her forever. Her eyes dance and glimmer when she looked at me. I can practically feel my heart swell. I look down and see her full pink lips bob up and down, but I can't hear her.

"Hmmm?"

She opens her eyes and gives me a stern 'bad Eren' look.

"I said," She makes sure to articulate herself slowly and clearly.

"Would you like to dance with me?" She gingerly points towards the room that I came from earlier. I can hear the music bouncing around on the walls when I listen closely.

You know that hackneyed expression, there's butterflies in my stomach? If that were literally true, I would have to say all their eggs have popped and a violent swarm of them started to take flight.

"Ye-yeah! Let's go."

She takes me by the hand and guides me to the dance floor. All the flashing lights, people, and loud noises are kind of intimidating, but Mikasa seems so sure of everything. She's relaxed and smiling at me. Her body moves like fish in water. Everything seems to come so naturally to her. Mikasa glides of notes of the music. She allows vibrations push and pull her body in all the right directions.

Mikasa grabs my hand. It's almost transfuses into me. She spins me around and leads me around the dance floor. It's funny. She's careless and happy here, more than I ever seen her before. I know that she must be feeling what I'm feeling too. She has to be feeling it. That longing and want. That elated feeling that sweeps you off your feet every time we touch.

She leans into my ear and tells me to 'follow her lead'. That's exactly what I do.

Mikasa leads me around the dance floor like a pro. It feels so easy and natural with her. Her strong arms wrap around my waist and I rest mine on her shoulders. There really wasn't much a choice in this position though. She's so much taller than me; it wouldn't have work any other way.

She's so warm. Mikasa is and always will be my own personal heater. Our dance comes to an end and I come in closer. She allows me to and tightens her grip around me. I rest my head on her shoulder.

"Your hair smells good. Very fruity." Mikasa remarks.

I laugh into her shirt. "Thanks. You're a great dancer."

"Thank you." We're softly still swaying to the beat of the music.

"Hey, can I ask you my question now?" I mumble.

"Sure thing." Luckily, she manages to hear me. With ears like that, I wonder if she can hear my heart beat too.

"Remember, you have to be honest." She rests her head onto onto mine.

People have told me before that I'm very naive and too honest, but the way she's looking at me now gives in me hope. Hope that fools like me can still trust and find their better half in this world.

"Of course." I can feel her cool breath kiss my skin.

"Do you remember that night? From the bar?"

Her lips full lips part and are about to utter something profound. I can just feel in it in my bones, but our moment is stolen by a loud crash. Then there's yelling and it keeps getting progressively louder.

"Dammit, what the hell is your problem?!" A male voice booms.

"My problem." Sounds of grunts and general rustling noise fill the very quiet room. "You're my fucking problem!"

The had music stopped and everyone but me is looking at these two idiots yelling. I can't though, I'm too focused in on Mikasa. I'm too busy listening to my heart beat on my chest like a landlord trying to collect this months rent. I don't have time or energy for these guys shenanigans.

She closes her mouth then looks towards the noises then to me again. She goes back and forth in some sort of evil cycle.

"Pick me!" My heart shouts but I make sure to swallow the message.

She shakes her head. "Give me just a minute." She bites her lips. "It's Eren and Jean. I have to stop them before they do anything they regret."

She leaves me. My heater, support, dance partner, friend, and potential lover is gone in one swift second. I've never felt more lonely before.

She picked _him_.

I wish I could say I blame, her but I don't.

That doesn't stop this feeling of longing from weighing on my heart though.


	9. Chapter 8

There's a crowd of people forming around where Mikasa went. I can't see anything though. There's a wall of people blocking my view. I need to get closer. I need to be in the front. I need to know exactly what is going on. Between all the fist pumping, shouting, and jumping though, it looks like this will be no easy task. I push and wiggle my way through the bodies of heat. It feels an awful lot like being stuck in a mosh pit, or a being a ping pong ball. The crowd's elbows and shoulders act as paddles as I get tossed to the left then the right. The cycle never seems to end.

When I'm nearly half way through the crowd, I hear someone shout but I can't make what he said. All I hear is desperation in his voice. It's dripping with it, reminds me of a wild animal. Then everyone goes "Ooooooooo" and a hush falls upon the masses. I swear, you could hear a pin drop on the floor. It's the type of silence that is deafening to the ear. The type of quiet that makes your blood run cold. I push my way to the front of the crowd without any obstacles this time. No more elbows in my ribs or any of that nonsense this time. Everyone seems to be too stunned by whatever happened.

I really need to see what the hell is going on.

"Jesus, both of you," Mikasa has a bloody nose and her knuckles are a ghostly white."you need to stop. Right now." Mikasa takes her time speaking, making sure to be as clear as glass about it. "We are not in high school anymore." She roars. Mikasa then scoops up Eren and flings him over her shoulder. Then she drags Jean by the ear.

"Out of my way!" She barks at us, the crowd. We all quickly disperse, except me. I'm left there standing in shock, hand over mouth. I feel like I'm looking at a puzzle with only the edge pieces connected. There's so much blankness, unknown. There's so much left to the imagination and it's maddening.

I wish I could say that I went right after her. I wish that I could say that I came after her the first time, when she left. I wish I could say I did a lot of things. All I did though is watch with the same feeling of helplessness as before.

"What the hell happened?" I'm surprised to hear own voice. My thought was translated into the spoken word, and it was only meant for _my_ ears. Yet, somehow, they escaped. And due to their debut into the real world, my vibrations were heard by another person. The blonde turns to me with a half smile, although it's clear she's not happy.

"Lover's quarrel. Jean tried to punch Eren but missed. He sucker punched, Ackerman... They'll be fine though. All of them have seen worse." She speaks fast and is to the point.

I stare at her for a moment and blink a few times. She looks so familiar... I can't seem to place her face, but I know those blue eyes. Before, I can even formulate a proper reply; she walks away, fading into the ever diminishing crowd leaving the scene.

"What?" My lips flap. "Who are you?"

The words come too late. I had a _synapse retrieval failure_. That's the only thing I can remember from my psychology class. My brain seems to have that problem a lot, maybe that's why it bothered to remember the term. My brains forgets or is too slow for practicality. My words too many times have come late and sometimes not even at all. I feel like I'm grasping at threads that aren't even there sometimes.

I look around, slowly falling out of my stupor. I'm truly by myself now. Like, there's literally no one else in the room. How long have I been standing here? Shock is funny that way. It makes you feel like the whole world is slowing down as you perceive it, yet you're left to deal with reality as if you were chasing lighting. Even if by some miracle, you were to catch up to it— you would never be ready for the next pump of voltage it has for you. The world stops for no one.

It hit me then, ironically, like lightning that I can't stop for the world anymore. I can't settle on not reaching further for those threads.

I follow Mikasa and her 'prisoners' to the kitchen. I can hear yelling outside. My body is on autopilot. I don't know why I am doing this. I really don't know why. There's a part of my brain that yells for me to stop. "It's none of my business." Then there's the part of my brain that still is in shock. She has no input to give other than to eat. And the whole while, my idiot heart is _running_ like a fool, shouting through my lungs "Haven't you learned anything?! Move. Stop over thinking it.".

I listen to my heart like all good fools do.

"I don't know! I really don't know why I'd punched her. We all know, I was aiming for your sorry ass." Shouts Jean.

My hand went for the door handle. Everyone's eyes go towards me.

Like Jean I don't know either but I did it. I think it's fair to say we both reacted. There was no thought on either one of our parts. We momentarily let our hearts take the place of our brains. We chose emotions over logic.

I feel like twelve year old me is walking into Church late again. A blush firmly spread across my cheeks, as the whole congregation turns from the pastor to stare at me. There's no talking, only gawking. Jean and Eren must be having a pretty heavy conversation. I know it was like that in Church. Everyone seemed to look for a reason to turn away when the pastor talked about all the ways you can go to Hell or talked about all the stuff you can't do. I always managed to quickly find a seat in the back though and soon enough, all eyes were back on the preacher.

Who knows? Maybe, I've always had bad timing. Maybe, it's a divine sign. Sasha Braus, was born to be a distraction, even it's only for a second. I like to think it's a talent.

"Are you guys okay?" I croak out.

My heart swells when I lay eyes upon, Mikasa, who is clearly hurt. Her lips are puffy and coated in dark, cherry blood from her lower busted lip. Her nose is stuffed with a wad of toilet paper. My hand reaches out for her but I will it back down. Now is not the place for this. I can't stop tear drops from welling up in my eyes though. I'm not strong enough to will that away.

Eren sighs into his hands. Jean shakes his head. Mikasa gives me a reassuring head nod with a kind and broad smile. Even after all this drama, she's trying to comfort me. I can't help but shake my head too.

"Damn..." She whispers, running her hand on her lip.

"Yeah I bet." I let loose a nervous chuckle, fighting back a cringe." Not many people would smile like that with a busted lip... You're brave."

"Or stupid." Mikasa replies coolly.

Jean snorts then a silence falls in the room. Upon further examination, I notice the blood on Jean's knuckles and his black eye. Eren is sporting a lovely cut right below his temple. It's still bleeding, trickling down his cheek. I can't believe these are the same guys who played rock, paper, scissor over who got shotgun. It doesn't seem real. They love each other.

Jean rests his hand on Eren's shoulder.

"Babe, I'm sorry..." My moment of distraction is over. I have never felt more scared and relieved at the same time.

Eren whips his head around to face Jean. "You were making googly eyes at, Marco, the whole damn paaarrty! Finding reasons to seee him, touch him!" Eren cheeks are a fiery red and he's slurring his words. "How can you think that's okay! How can you embarrass me like that in front of everyone." Eren pokes Jean's chest. "How can you make me feel like a fool for loving you?"

"I wasn't, Eren! I didn't!" Jean bellows with his nostrils flared. "Jesus, caan't I talk to an old frii-end?!"

It's about then I also notice how drunk these two are. You can smell them a quarter of a mile away.

"You were never friends!" Eren's face contorts as he spits the words out like they're venom filled watermelon seeds.

"So even if we weren't. Are we not allowed to catch up? I'm not allowed to tooouuch anyone?" Jean shoves Eren lightly.

"No, no, you're allowed to talk to him Jean." Eren shakes his head. You can practically see the steam come from his ears. "Talk to him all you like. Even touch him a little if it fancies you. But what you can't do" Eren jumps up and starts to poke Jean in the chest again, getting in his face. "at least, when you're dating me is kiss him. You can't fluuccking let him kiss you, and then kiss him back like you like it," Eren pauses for a moment to breath." especially in front of everyone." He snarls.

I feel myself backing closer and closer to the corner. Oh man this is so awkward. I look at Mikasa for a brief moment. Her eyes are downcast and she's extending her arm towards Eren. I can only imagine what its like to see your brother's heart be break right before your eyes.

"He didn't know! H-he-he, didn't knooow that, I was with youu?" Jeans brandishes his hands in the air.

"Oh so what? Did that escape your mind that you had a boyfriend as you two were catching up?! Huh, or perhaps you just fell onto him. Yeah and your tongue accidentally slipped right through Marco's mouth!" Eren starts nod his head agreeing with his hypothesis. "Isn't that right?"

"Screw you!" Jean starts to poke Eren back. "That doesn't give you the right to fight him. You nearly knocked him out cold."

"You're right. That was a shitty thing to do, Jeeean. But you know what, it felt _good_. Almost as good as giving you that shiner."

Jean loses his temper as balls up a fist but Mikasa stops him before he does anything stupid.

"Let's get a little space for now you too."

Jean leaves the room swearing under his breath.

Mikasa goes to her brother and helps him steady his balance. "Lets go home now, okay?" Eren shakes his head sobbing.

"Shhhh, shhh, I know." Mikasa hugs him and he cries into her shoulder. They stay like that for a little while the Mikasa leads him out of the room.

Alone, again. I'm back where I started. I can still hear the faint music playing in the distance. And I know, I don't want to be alone here. I walk out the kitchen and look for Mikasa. She's nowhere to be found, so I walk out the door, hoping that she's still here. I look out, desperately searching for their car. I spot her trying to cross the street with a very drunk out Eren in her arms.

I run up to her.

"Hey, hey!" I gently hit her on the shoulder. "Let me help you. I can drive and you stay with Eren in the back. Make sure he's alright." I rest my hands in my pocket. "I haven't a had a drink all night. I'm good to drive, and I remember where you two live."

Mikasa gives me a dubious look.

"I wa-want to help you two. You've both had a real rough night. Friends help each other..."

"Yeah, you're right." She says in a husky voice. "You can drive. The keys are in my left pocket."

The ride home is quiet. Mostly because, Eren, has finally stopped crying and went to sleep. It's better if he stays this way. Neither Mikasa or myself are really the emotionally 'supportive type'. All we know how to do is listen and rub backs. We're they type that feel what you're feeling. Now, Connie, he always knew what exactly to say. It's like he had the perfect sentence to fix everything, always. He knew how to connect right to the heart with his words.

About fifteen minutes later, we arrive at the Jaeger household.

"Do you need help hauling him in?" I whisper.

"No, no" She shakes her head. "I'll wake him up."

She gently shakes Eren's arm, and he slowly but surely manages to successfully get out of the car. Granted, he made a lot of grunting noises and face planted twice, but at least he didn't puke.

Mikasa helps him into the house as I hold to door open for the pair.

"Give me a minute. I need to put him to bed."

I laugh. She makes him sound like a child, but in all honesty he is basically one, at least in this state. That's one thing we all blame on the alcohol though: our emotions and how we handle them.

I sit on the couch and literally twiddle my thumbs. That gets boring quickly, so I look around the house. It's still so empty around here. There's no pictures hanging up on the wall, no decorations of any kind, except one. There's a photo of Eren and Mikasa standing by the some cannon of sorts sitting on the coffee table.

"That's my favorite photo." Her voice rings in my ears.

"Huh?" I turn my head around and see Mikasa trying to not smile to wide. I also see she has taken out the toilet paper out of her nose.

"My mom took that photo." She sits next to me on the coach. "You see how there's a shadow to the left us?"

I nod my head. There is a shadow on the ground right next to the cannon.

"That my mom... She was _such_ a great photographer. I think that was her own little poetic way of saying that's she always with us, even if we don't see her."

"Awww." I gush.

Mikasa rests her head on my shoulder. "Are you in a rush to get home?" I flinch a little. She has this way making me feel every single nerve in my body.

"Not at all."

Mikasa nuzzles her head a little closer into my shoulder. "Good."

I chuckle. "I'm happy you agree." I rest my head on hers.

"Hey are you feeling okay? Do you need ice?"

"No, I'll be fine. Jean didn't hit me that hard."

"Are you sure? Cause I can kiss it and make it all better."

She doesn't say anything, so I take her silence as an okay. I move slowly away from her turn to face her. She looks at me with slightly flushed cheeks. I inch closer and hover a few centimeter from her face. I push out my lips and gently kiss the tip of her nose.

"Is that better?"

"Mhhh yes much better... But my lips don't get a kiss? They hurt too."

"I think they're much too sore for that, aren't they? I wouldn't want to hurt you." I tease.

"I think they could live." She insists.

"Well you know, I would love to play doctor with you here, but you still have to answer my question."

She sighs. "Really now?"

"Yes, really. I'm dying to know. Do you remember that night at the bar or not?"

She opens her mouth then quickly closes it. "You know, I don't think I can answer till I get my treatment from my favorite nurse." She runs a finger along her lip. "It's just so sore. The pain is _distracting_ me from remembering anything."

"Oh" I nod my head. "but of course." I don't wait around this time. I give her a quick peck on the lips making sure to be gentle. "Okay, now tell me."

"Impatient are we?"

"Very."

She rests her head on my shoulder again. "Yes I do remember, Sahsa." She takes her time to pronounce each of the words. Like she coating each one of them with some special coating of sweet honesty.

"Then why act like you don't?" I can't hide my hurt from the words.

"Embarrassment? Fear? A mixture of emotions really."

"Why?" I ask genuinely flummoxed.

"I didn't mean to kiss you..." I feel her turn her face into my shirt. She's essentially hiding. "I mean, I did but those weren't my original intentions. It just... happened."

I let her words linger in the air. It wasn't what I was hoping to hear, but it's better than what I feared. I was waiting for the classics like 'I don't know,' 'I was drunk' or the 'It was just fun'. Instead, I got words with emotions behind them. Both the imagined and reality are as equally scary in their own right.

Life just kind of happens sometimes, huh?" The words spew out of my mouth. I've seen to lost my filter. "It doesn't matter if you want it or even like it. Time doesn't stop. Everything can seem so out of control."

"You didn't like it?" Mikasa says in a monotone pitch.

I laugh. I really don't mean to but that couldn't be further from the truth.

"No, no, trust me I like it." I lay my hand over hers. "I meant in general. Some events, eras in my life even... Sometimes I feel out of control. I feel like I'm the passenger of my own car. I'm not moving on the ground. The ground is moving me. There's no control, only the perception of it."

She cocks her eyebrow at me. "Are you sure you didn't have anything to drink or smoke?"

I knock my head against hers. "Yeeesss of course. Trust me, I'm very sober right now." I pause and think whatever or not I should continue talking. "Can't a simple girl talk about how complex life makes her feel?"

"You're far from simple, Sasha."

"You're the first to ever say that." I hate it when people say stuff like that. I always feel like they're lying to me. "Don't you know, I'm a farmer girl, the potato girl. I'm a tattoo artist. I draw on people's skin for a living... There's no complexity there." I gesture to my head.

Mikasa sits up. I miss my little heater. The world feels so cold without her.

"You're all those things. That's true but when I look at you." Her eyes are serious and she's looking me dead in the eye. "I see someone who loves to laugh. I see an artist. I see a young woman who questions what's in the mirror." She tightens her grip on my hand. "I see you as a person who wants to be happy. And that's a hard thing to be when you question yourself, Sash. You're not as simple as you make yourself out to be."

"I used to laugh more, ya know? I mean, I laugh a lot now, but most of the time it's nervous laughter. I mean from your bottom on your stomach, tears in eyes laughter. That happy sort of laughter that isn't forced. I didn't ever think back then either. I did stupid pranks and goofed around all the time. I never gave a second thought to the future."

"What happened?"

My heart feels like it's going to fall straight through the floor. "I, I ugh," I sigh. " a friend of mine moved to a better place... He's the better half of my brain. I guess, I miss him." I can't keep my eyes off the ground.

She wraps an arms around my back and rubs it. "I'm so sorry."

"It's, ahhh, it's okay." I nod my head. "Sometimes," I place hand over my heart. "I feel this piece of me is gone without him. It's like I feel guilty every time I have a real laugh or do something stupid. I want to tell him everything that's happening in my life. I want his advice. I want him to trivialize everything and make a stupid joke."

"Maybe you should call him them? Go see him? I'm sure the two of you can make it work. No distance is too far for friends."

"Yeah" I fake a smile. "I'll have to visit him soon. It really has been too long since the last time we talked."

"There you go." She rubs my back some more.

A silence falls between us again.

"You can stay the night, if you want." Mikasa offers.

I rest my head on her shoulder this time. I listen to her breathing stop or rather hitch.

"That'd be nice." I chime.

She exhales deeply and runs her hand through my hair.

This is nice. I like this. I like us.


End file.
